Updated on 7/6/09

True Blood is an addictive show. As a general rule, the more shape-shifting, flesh-ripping and orgy-groping the show offers, the more I crave. But sometimes the blood and nastiness is so over-the-top that I find myself wishing Alan Ball would take it down just the teeny tiniest little notch. It's not that I want all of the gore and glamouring to go away, but there are some moments that I would just as soon forget. To put it simply, I am haunted by them.

Jason and Amy Get Wet

Jason is naked so much that the dedicated viewer becomes desensitized to his nudity pretty quickly. Except for one particular moment of aquatic V-induced ecstasy. All of his other naked shenanigans pale in comparison (yes, even the one where he's wearing satin gloves) to the nude swim that he and Amy take. There's just something about the combo of graphic sex and a hippie love-fest that stinks like yesterday's patchouli.

Blood-a-Dub-Dub, Bill and Sookie in a Tub

If you're familiar with my recaps or this blog at all, you already know how I feel about this magical moment of cleanliness. It's likely that my repulsion is compounded by the fact that my favorite Cure song is being butchered by a singer-songwriter. Or maybe it's the fact that I know these people are a real couple and that just makes me feel like I am interrupting something that's better kept private. Or maybe it's because the Sookie/Bill bathtub scene is the moment that Season One went from creepy drama to primetime soap opera.

Random Vampire is Rendered Fangless

We were all on pins-and-needles when Bill was dragged before the vampire tribunal to have his fate decided by an extremely dour undead magistrate. But, what really raised the hair on my arms was how the tribunal chose to punish the sad Trent Reznor look-a-like who came before him.  When they pulled out his fang with a wrench, and blood gushed from his mouth, the entire viewing public made a mental note to floss more thoroughly (after they threw up in their mouths a little). Even when you're undead nothing is worse than a trip to the dentist.

Maryann Rubs Sam's Nose in It

Sam is a whipping boy for the ladies of Bon Temps. Tara abuses him, Sookie walks all over him, and Maryann is constantly putting him in the doghouse. When Maryann used her unknown magical powers to turn Sam into a dog, it was shocking to Sam-lovers and pet-lovers alike. I think you'll agree that there's nothing more demeaning than a canine dressed in a flannel shirt. Because everyone knows that if you're going to dress a dog in clothing it should be a tiny tutu or a sassy puffy vest. Or perhaps a dignified doggy tuxedo. But this canine lumberjack look?  It's just not right.

Lafayette Locked in Vampire Basement

This moment disturbed me on many levels. Lafayette watches a fellow prisoner get torn apart by a vampire, gets a leg thrown at him, then has to rip apart the leg flesh to retrieve a metal rod that the dead man told him has been placed in there during surgery. The whole time the fabulous Lafayette is fighting for his freedom, he is forced to do this barefoot and wearing nothing but cargo pants. Cargo pants!!!! Those vampires really are monsters.

Pam Sacrifices Her New Shoes

Eric can be a cruel taskmaster; especially when he sends Pam off into the forest to search for the beastie that attacked Sookie. Ladies, you'll understand when I say that those were REALLY nice pumps. Oh and that moment when the Lady Mrs. Dr. Crypt Keeper tore the hardened poison out of Sookie's back was pretty upsetting too.