late breaking news bulletin

late breaking news bulletin

GHOULISH's picture

vampire pigeons are running a muck people in local parks and school zones are being terrorised, keep your children indoors do not let them go out with loaves of bread they're lives will be endangered, vampire pigeons are killing police just for the donuts in they're cars, they're firearms are powerless against the feathery hordes, refrain from using all bird calls this will only anger them, as of now there is no known cure for the infection they spread, people are being infected and begging for crumbs while making cooing noises, if you see of hear vampire pigeons please do not approach them, they're highly territorial and will attack in flocks, french government aggred to help but saw the danger and then ran away, local supermarkets are being infested they're bread companies refuse to make deliveries, house cats are disappearing from homes and pet stores, the pentagon denies all allegations of ransom demands from leaders of vampire pigeons, vampire pigeons are now peddling vintage hampster porn for 38 crumbs.

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HatchetGirl's picture

Hey I saw a flock of those!!!!Surprised  Had no idea they were vampire pigeons though!!!

I was at work inside my building about to step outside when one of my managers ran up to the door screaming for help.  He crashed into the door and then they started attacking him.  I tried to help really I did, but I turned the lock the wrong way and I locked the door instead of opening it.  I know he thought I was laughing and pointing at him but I was really screaming in terror and trying to figure out the lock.  I will miss him. . really I will.  

joestoutenger's picture

HOLY,great gobs of bird shit Batman,did you see that flock of Pigeons???

Yes,Robin..This can only mean one thing!!!

You mean!! Yes Robin!!

There's only one person who could do this!!!!

You mean!! Yes Robin!!

To the Batmobile...........

tune in same bat time same bat fearnet..When Robin say's....

I'm glad Cows can't Fly......

spookyboo's picture

Since the pigeons have taken over the city, riots have been errupting with swarms of people trying to steal tv's, stereos, movies and other precious survival supplies!  Personally I've been throwing seed on the neighbors cars and houses in an attempt to get some privacy and much needed revenge, aside from distracting the vampire pigeons from my own nest.


GHOULISH's picture

this just in. vampire pigeons can not be reasoned with caribbean translator parrots fled the scene do to threats on there lives, pigeon leaders say human bird peace treaties will not be tolerated or even discussed. and all parrot treachery will be delt with swiftly with no remorse. parrots are are fleeing the city after informing us on these events not to return until we have settled this crisis. local crows and seagulls do not reply after repeated requests for assistance and are nowhere in sight. large portions of crop lands are being striped of grain at a alarming rate. all bread and potato chip company's have temporarily shut down do to lack of supply and recent attacks long haul truckers are taking heavy loses. national wildlife service has dispatched birds of pray hawks have killed many vampire pigeons but there numbers are to great to control and scientists say the risk of infection is to high not to consider. i'll report to you again live when its safe pigeons are surrounding my building signing off..

spookyboo's picture

As government efforts continue to fail regarding the bird attacks, "I Reports" on the net, have been the only true confirmation of what's happening out there. According to these reports, the disease has since spread to not only the parrots sent for peaceful discussion, but also seagulls, hawks and many household birds.  The CDC refuses to comment at this time, on how the vampire pigeon virus is ultimately spread.  People are still being urged to stay indoors until erradication is complete or even possible. The birds still refuse to negotiate at this time.

    Many farmers have taken matters into their own hands by loading shotguns with rock salt and setting fire to known nests.  Riots in major cities continue to errupt as there appears to be little to no police interference.  Many McDonalds and other fast-food chains remain closed at this time.

     Rumors insue that the Chinese may have created a weapon, capable of destroying large flocks.  But at this time, the government has remained silent as to the cause / effect / and disposal of said birds. The Asian government has also issued a ban on popular foods such as War Shu Duck and Peking Duck until proven that birds are once again safe to eat. There appear to be moments when the attacks have ceased, but the corralation remains open as to why, when and how this is happening.  Personal accounts think that the birds must be communicating, during these so called "down times" The UN is trying to make dilligent efforts to crack the code and find out what the vampire pigeons next plan of attack may be.  There are suggestions that perhaps these monstrosities were created by a failed chemical warfare experiments, as the first of these vampire pigeons were reported close to U.S. Army bases in Iran, Iraq and Afganistan, however this is still speculation.

 bird attack

 bird attack

bird attack

spookyboo's picture
! late breaking news bulletin !
this just in.. seagull's and crow's became infected by the vampire pigeon attacks on local parks and water ways, the effects were fast acting killing most crow's instantly and creating a rage and brutal killer instinct in seagull's, i hear human deaths number into the thousands do to seagull's in recent hours, oh my god i cant believe i'm seeing this with my own eyes right in front of me, a massive army of house cats in full camouflage are storming the city decimating flocks of vampire pigeons hundreds are being ripped to shreds, the cats army appears countless in number slaughtering pigeons and seagull's as they run through the streets, feathers and blood as far as my eyes can see, the pentagon just now reports they've been training them secretly and they have a nature immunity to the vampire pigeons bite, with pigeons no longer having the ability of long rang flight the thousands of cats have the upper hand in the battle, and catnip gives them the ability to fight without tiring but i must sign off for now,
--By Ghoulish--
--Reposted by Spookyboo--



spookyboo's picture
!! late breaking news bulletin !!
this just in. south american and caribbean parrots are flying through the city at high speeds dropping the finest catnip the world can produce making the cat army's hunger for vampire pigeons increase, intoxicated cats have annihilated most of the city's vampire pigeons and seem to be defending and marking there territory reclaiming they're holmes, they're all around me now meowing and purring as if they're protecting me but sadly to say i'm allergic to cats, parrots seem to have no signs of infection while calling out locations of hidden vampire pigeons, cats have just seen infected people and are attacking and devoring them skeletons lay picked clean of flesh bones bleached white by the hot sun, its a terrifying sight but newly infected ducks are attempting to fly south for the winter lets hope we can get them in time, i'll update you on this as soon as i find a way out of here, signing off
--Reported by Ghoulish--
--Reposted by Spookyboo-- text

spookyboo's picture

 The Associated Press reports that the Parrots are making remarkable head-way in breaking the vampire pigeon crypted communications.  Injured parrots that can no longer fly, are communicating via the web and satellite / radio communications to pin-point possible bunkers, quarters and lairs of the fleeing vampire pigeons. The U.N. has declared such birds as hero's and this current operation is listed under the appropriate government operational name, called "Windtalkers."   

 Meanwhile, reports from local agencies state that they are currently unsure as to the direct number of casualties. Earlier reports assumed thousands of victims lay dead in the streets and their homes, the number at this time is currently being speculated into the millions.  In an effort to replace injured cat soldiers, shelters across the nation have released all members of the feline family, to join in the war efforts and replace the dead and dying. As initially stated, the Chinese and American government have discovered that the felines were immune to the Commuter Reactive Avian Pneumona (also known as C.R.A.P.). Unfortunately many have suffered injuries from earlier chemical warfare efforts and attacks from hidden flocks using guerilla warfare tactics. WARNING the images in known reports contain content not appropriate for younger viewers.

 Although other infected mammals are being eaten by the cats (i.e. humans) efforts to charge said felines with war-crimes are currently being over-looked, as the world is facing a declared "State of Emergency."

Though the war cats appear to be creating excellent territorial boundries and bases; supplies of guns / ammo and catnip are running short, as interstate and continental shipment remains hazardous to uninfected humans. Fear runs rampant as the days countdown to total supply loss.  The cats (although ferocious fighters) grow tired, and are urgently calling for much needed assistance in keeping the bases safe from the now flying suicide bombers.Cujo the Cat Eat Mo Chicken            

Concerned owners are being advised, that as soon as possible, a list of casualties and injured soldiers will be reported to local aid agencies and that they will again be united with their brave and missing, furry family members. Many residents have posted lost and found adds in their own attempt to locate and incite this information sooner.

spookyboo's picture

Photo's of the Windtalker program in action:Bird BrainBird Brain 2


Direct casualties in the feline resistance army:Casualties of WarFugly KittyUgly Kitty



Supporting our brave troops:Hissed and Pissedfound cat

GHOULISH's picture

this just in. i'm deep in the heart of the cat army's base of operation i'm being lead somewhere by friendly filine resistance fighters, highly intelligent parrots seemed to know of my allergies and have dropped off special medication and now i may move freely through cat headquarters, so i'd like to give a special thanks to those operating and involved with the windtalkers program i'll send the best seed money can buy your way soon, its amazing what i'm seeing i've been lead to the bronx zoo and endangered bangle tigers are aiding and protecting wounded cats from infected humans, tiger guards have sniffed me and invited me to stay and help the wounded, local veterinarians are on scene working feverishly under watchful eyes of tiger guards, it warms my heart to be in the company of these brave little soldiers i promise to adopt as many as my house can hold as soon as this is all over,windtalkers have returned yet again with more information i'll report again soon when i'm informed.. signing off


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