late breaking news bulletin

late breaking news bulletin

GHOULISH's picture

vampire pigeons are running a muck people in local parks and school zones are being terrorised, keep your children indoors do not let them go out with loaves of bread they're lives will be endangered, vampire pigeons are killing police just for the donuts in they're cars, they're firearms are powerless against the feathery hordes, refrain from using all bird calls this will only anger them, as of now there is no known cure for the infection they spread, people are being infected and begging for crumbs while making cooing noises, if you see of hear vampire pigeons please do not approach them, they're highly territorial and will attack in flocks, french government aggred to help but saw the danger and then ran away, local supermarkets are being infested they're bread companies refuse to make deliveries, house cats are disappearing from homes and pet stores, the pentagon denies all allegations of ransom demands from leaders of vampire pigeons, vampire pigeons are now peddling vintage hampster porn for 38 crumbs.

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sakbeerslayer365's picture

...This is a Special Report from  The Pentagon;

     Reporter Bill Mahr;  WE HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT A SMALL SHORT RANGE NUCLEAR MISSILE HAS DETONATED SOMEWHERE NEAR THE HEART OF NEW YORK CITY. THE SHOCKWAVES WE ARE TOLD COULD BE FELT AS FAR AWAY AS PASSAIC NEW JERSEY.ALL CONTACT FROM THE AREA HAS BEEN LOST. A COMBINATION OF GREY ASH,FEATHERS,BEAKS AND HAIRBALLS IS CASCADING ACROSS LARGE PORTIONS OF NEW JERSEY AND RHODE ISLAND.THE STATUE OF LIBERTY WAS BLOWN FROM THE FORCE OF THE BLAST TO A SMALL ISLAND SOUTH OF HYANNIPORT,LANDING UPRIGHT ON A STRETCH OF BEACH.WITNESSES AT THE CRASH SITE REPORT SMALL FIGURES CLIMBING OUT OF LADY LIBERTYS NOSE.HUMAN CASUALTIES IN THE FOUR BURROUGHS IS SAID TO BE MINIMAL,BUT LITERALLY MILLIONS OF ASSORTED INFECTED BIRDS AND MOTHS WERE EITHER  VAPORIZED BY THE BLAST OR  BLOWN TO BITS.THERE ARE NO SUBSTANTATED REPORTS ON FELINE CASUALTIES AT THIS TIME.ALL MILATARY PERSONEL IN THE AREA WERE,WE ARE TOLD EVACUATED JUST PRIOR TO THE EXPLOSION TO VARIOUS FALLOUT SHELTERS,CHURCHES AND SYNAGOGUES.THOSE BUILDINGS LEFT STANDING NEAR GROUND ZERO ARE ASSUMED TO BE IRRADIATED AND A THREAT TO WHOMEVER IS TAKING REFUGE INSIDE.,RAISING FEAR THAT THE COMBINATION OF RADIO-ACTIVE FALLOUT AND THE C.R.A.P.S. VIRUS COULD THEORETICALLY MUTATE THE SURVIVORS INTO A NEW BREED OF CONTAMINATED HUMANS.WE DO HOWEVER NOW HAVE A LIVE REPORT FROM A HELICOPTER RECON TEAM HIGH OVER THE RUINS OF A ONCE GREAT METROPOLIS.

....captain spaulding;  WE'RE NOT SEEING ANY SIGNS OF LIFE FROM OUR VANTAGE POINT.ITS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE  TO MAKE OUT ANYTHING BUT RUBBLE.WE ARE FLYING ABOVE THE CLOUDS OF FEATHERS,DUST AND ALL THAT OTHER SHIT BUT I THINK OUR PROPS ARE GETTING CLOGGED...MAYDAY!!!!MATDAY!!!!!WERE GOING DOWN..JESUS FUCK ME HARD I DONT WANNA DIE LIKE THIS!!

...........STATIC.......................................STATIC.................

THIS IS NOT A TEST..THE EMERGENCY BROACAST SYSTEM  IS ON RED ALERT..ALL SURVIVORS OUTSIDE THE FURTHEST PERIMETER OF THE BLAST ARE ORDERED BY THE FEDERAL SAFETY COMMISION TO HEAD TOWARDS ..............STATIC.....STATIC.......................( 2 BE CONT..NOW )

 

sakbeerslayer365's picture

AND NOW A BRIEF STATEMENT VIA CELLPHONE FROM ACTING PRESIDENT CHUCK U. FARLEY;

......I SAW THIS MOVIE ONCE WHERE A WHOLE CITY WAS INFECTED OR SOMETHING..THEY JUST BOMBED THE SHIT OUT OF IT AND THAT SOLVED THE PROBLEM..SO I FIGURED THAT'D WORK..SO THATS WHAT WE DID...AHH SHIT I'M OUTTA BARS..CHEAP WALMART PIECE OF SHIT....(HANGS UP )

...IN OTHER NEWS AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREDY HEARD THE E.B.S. IS OUT OF COMMISION SO NO FURTHER WARNINGS WILL BE FORTHCOMING..ALSO WE NOW HAVE A LIVE REPORT FROM HYANNISPORT FROM THE CRASH SITE OF THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.WE TAKE YOU NOW VIA PIRATED SATALITE BROADCAST COURTESY OF OUR NEIGHBORS TO THE NORTH,CANADA.

reporter and tourist Wayne Gretsky;  EHHH..ARE WE ONN..'KAY..THA REPOTS OF SURVIVAS IN THE STATUE IS THA TROOF..ONEE FREE PEOPLE CAME OUTTER HER NOSE..BITT TOO OF EM FELLED AND WERE KILT WEN DEY HIT DER GROUND..SOME FUZZ FACE NAMED FOX SOMETHING STAGGERED INTO DA WATER ..WE HADDA PULL HIS DUMBASS OUT 'AFORE HE DROWNT..HE AINT GOTS NO EYES INNIS 'EAD AN KEEPS ASKIN FER A MOLSEN....(SATELITE BROADCAST FADES TO STATIC...)

..THERE ARE NOW REPORTS OF LARGE FLOCKS OF PIGEONS HEADING TOWARDS THE PEACE BRIDGE TO CANADA..IT IS ALSO BEING REPORTED THAT THE PIGEONS AND OTHER INFECTED BIRDS ARE NOW LAYING MILLIONS OF EGGS IN AROUND THE COASTAL AREAS OF NOVA SCOTIA,CUBA AND AS FAR AWAY AS AUSTALIA..WE'LL KEEP YOU POSTED AS MORE INFORMATION BECOMES AVAILABLE AS LONG AS WERE STILL ON THE AIR.THIS IS HARDLY MENTAL REPORTING FROM A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

GHOULISH's picture

all i can do is watch this seemingly friendly young lion ripping the infected soldier apart and gorge itself on his flesh. i can hear someone screaming hello from outside i run out the door and its my old friend who saved my ass on several occasions, its commander davis of the navy seal strike team code named the wild cats, commander davis ) tony holyshit is that you its good to see you alive your a real survivor my friend you should of been a member of my team, but there's no time for small talk intell says there's a heavy strike inbound. tony ) a heavy strike ? commander davis ) a bomb a nuke i don't know what yield but its coming we gotta bug out asap. tony ) wait i gotta bring a friend, commander davis ) well make it quick time is something we don't have. commander davis raises his m4a1 assault rifle and scans the area for targets, nervously checking his watch as precious seconds tick by he's the best of the best but the thought of heavy weapons always gave him the chills. to be continued...

GHOULISH's picture

reporter tony mars walks out of the store with his deadly little friend on a old dog coller and a rope he found, commander davis ) holyshit no wonder you survived so long is that friggin beast friendly. tony ) just as long as your not infected he is.commander davis ) good to know come on lets move out there's a abandoned church a block from here with a old 1950's fall out shelter its our only hope. they reach the nearby church in record time commander davis uses a flying kick to smash the door clean of its hinges the heavy padlock falls to the ground. they push heavy furniture and anything they can find against the basement door and run into the bomb shelter slamming the thick steel door shut and in their minds they pray that's enough. commander davis ) i gotta get my mind off the situation talk to me tony you still reporting for channel 4. tony ) yeah i guess my camera crew and my producer were all killed by vampire pigeon the news van is the only reason i made it out alive. to be continued ..

GHOULISH's picture

reporter tony mars and commander davis make small talk trying to stay calm knowing the horror that's to come. commander davis says he's the only living wild cat left the rest were killed by the vampire pigeons while looking thru their sniper scopes positioned on roof tops, commander davis screams ) they were slaughtered they never had a fucking chance my entire team gone, we were improperly briefed on the mission they specifically said no birds in our zone. commander davis sits on the floor rocking back and forth with rage he says i killed hundreds of those monsters, those thing weren't even human what's going on. tony ) at ease soldier we'll make it out alive, i never told anyone but my entire family was killed by those bastards, all i have is this cat who saved my life and you my friend so stay with me don't loose it now.commander davis ) yeah bro i'm ok. then the lion growls mere seconds before impact the earth shakes violently nearby buildings crumbling can be heard god help us all. to be continued..

sakbeerslayer365's picture

REPORTER CONDOLEEZA FUCHS MCGYVER:WE SEND YOU NOW TO A HIGH PROFILE STRATEGY SESSION BEING HELD IN AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER SOMEWHERE NEAR THE U.S/CANADIAN BORDER.

LT COLONEL ANTHONY 'TONY' MONTANA; COMMANDER,OUR EYES IN THE SKY REPORT THAT AN ESTIMATED FLOCK OF TWENTY THOUSAND PIGEONS ARE ROOSTING ON THE HIGHEST POINTS ON THE PEACE BRIDGE,WE NAVE GROUND INTELLIGENCE INFORMING US THAT OUR RADAR IS ALSO PICKING UP WHAT SEEMS TO BE LARGE GROUPS OF INFECTED HUMANS CROSSING THE BORDER INTO CANADA.

COMMANDER JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD; DO WE HAVE ANY MILITARY RESOURCES STATIONED IN FORT ERIE?I KNOW THAT WE HAVE STRATEGIC POSITIONS ARMED WITH ANTI AIRCRAFT WEPONRY AND JAPANESE LASER TRUCKS ON LOAN FROM THE JAPANESE. ARE THESE BATTLE STATIONS ON CODE RED?

COLONEL; YES THEY ARE SIR BUT THE PIGEONS ARE NOT MOVING FROM THEIR PERCHES,AN ATTACK NOW WOULD DAMAGE THE BRIDGE AND PREVENT ANY TROOP MOVEMENT FROM NIAGARA FALLS BEHIND THE HORDE OF INFECTED HUMANS.

COMMANDER; ANY FURTHER NEWS FROM NOVA SCOTIA ON THE NESTING AREAS?

COLONEL; WITH THE BOMBING OF NEW YORK CITY OUR SATTELITE COMMUNICATION IS FUZZY AND NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DECIPHER DUE TO RADIOCTIVITY.WE ARE TRYING A DIFFERENT UPLINK THROUGH ALL POSSIBLE SOURCES ON THE EAST COAST.

COMMANDER; ARE THE CATS BEING DEPLOYED FROM BUFFALO?

COLONEL; YES SIR,THEY ARE PREPARING AN OFFENSIVE AS BACKUP TO THE TROOPS FROM NIAGARA FALLS.

COMMANDER; VERY GOOD,ALL WE CAN DO NOW IS WAIT FOR A SIGN OF MOVEMENT FROM THE PIGEONS,AND ON MY ORDERS WE WILL LAUNCH OUR ATTACK FROM BOTH SIDES OF THE BORDER.GENTLEMEN OUR FIRST PRIORITY IS THE PROTECTION OF THE TITTY BARS IN FORT ERIE,EVERY EFFORT MUST BE MADE TO STOP THE SPREAD OF THE VIRUS.THE LAST THING WE NEED TO DEAL WITH IS INFECTED STRIPPERS.

COLONEL; SIR I'M GETTING A MESSAGE FROM THE COMMANDER OF THE GROUND TROOPS FROM NIAGARA FALLS.

COMMANDER; PUT HIM ON SPEAKER PHONE.

GROUND ASSAULT COMMANDER,NIAGARA FALLS,MOE HOWARD;SIR WE ARE PREPARING A GROUND ATTACK,OUR LAND TROOPS WILL HEAD IN FIRST WITH THE CATS SUPPLYING BACKUP.WE EXPECT HEAVY PERSONNEL CASUALTIES BUT THIS COURSE OF ACTION DICTATES THAT WE DRIVE THE INFECTED HUMANS TOWARD THE EPI-CENTER OF THE PEACE BRIDGE AND HOPEFULLY MOW DOWN AS MANY OF THEM AS POSSIBLE,THEN SEND THE CATS IN TO TAKE CARE OF ANY STRAGGLERS.IF THE PIGEONS ATTACK WE WILL USE OUR HIGH FREQUENCY SOUND WAVE WEAPONS TO DISORIENT THEM..THUS ALLOWING THE JAPANESE LASER TRUCKS TO TAKE OUT AS MANY AS THEY CAN.IT WILL THEN BE UP TO YOUR PERSONNEL TO LAUNCH YOUR ATTACK,THESE ORDERS COME DIRECTLY FROM THE PENTAGON,GOOD LUCK,I KNOW WERE GONNA NEED IT.  (2 b continued )

GHOULISH's picture

commander davis and channel 4 reporter tony sit quietly in sheer terror with their deadly friend at their side. hoping this old bomb shelter wasn't damaged in the blast and praying radiation doesn't seep through the walls. it seems safe for now but the 20 year old can goods and very limited supply of water won't sustain them for long, as always the worst is yet come and these two have always been magnets for life or death situations. commander davis tries his radio but gets nothing but static and high pitched noises, desperately trying to save battery power he turns it off and sets it down gently. he opens his pack and pulls out a small computer that shows a live feed from cameras throughout the surrounding area, and what he sees sends a chill down his spine, buildings burning and other buildings reduced to rubble with gray ash falling like a hellish snowstorm. with the chrysler building strangely undamaged looming in the distance, its hell on earth and their stuck in the middle once again. to be continued...

sakbeerslayer365's picture

BRAVO...nice to finally see this moving forward...gives me a bit o inspiration...had WRITERS BLOCK ( or flat out LAZINESS lately )..expect a contrib soon..and yes i will leave your beloved building alone!!!peace..SAK

GHOULISH's picture

with only 4 out of 25 cameras still working commander davis monitors them closely, flipping back and fourth from camera to camera searching for any signs of life. tony and davis are both glued to screen watching in terror as this once highly populated city has turned into a ghost town, its now impossible to tell if its day or night or even how long they've been in the bomb shelter, with the internet down do to the explosion and neither of their cell phones working things seem hopeless. they both notice the lion sitting still as a statue staring at the heavy iron door, as if someone or something is on the other side, no matter what they say or do the lions focus on the door can not be broken, they would both rather fight it out then sit there and die so they reload their assault rifles and inch their way to the door. ( commander davis ) ok tony you slowly open the door and i'll cover you if the lion goes to attack don't stand in his way just let him go. ( tony ) ok i'm ready opening 'now'. to be continued...

GHOULISH's picture

tony slowly opens heavy door and the lion doesn't an inch, its 3 men wearing full anti radiation suits one of them raises his hand and says. no ! please don't shoot ! we're here to help ! ( commander davis ) ok somebody better explain who the fuk you are and where you came from now !! the man lowers his hand and says, ok! ok! i'm ronald fitz chief nuclear biologist we're with the i.i.a we've been monitoring you with heat vision cameras, we couldn't contact you by radio so i demanded we speak to you in person, now please put the guns down you've been here 3 days i was getting worried. ( commander davis ) stop wait 3 days what the fuk are talking about we've only been here a few hours. ( ronald fitz ) no its true you must have blacked out heat vision showed you position before you entered the shelter, it was me who notified you about the incoming strike its imperative you 3 survive radiation levels are low lets move. ( tony ) how do you know about us ! where did you come from tell us now! to be continued..

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