BullShit ure ass off!!??

BullShit ure ass off!!??

thecarpenter666's picture

at the age of 4 i became the light wieght champion of the world in boxing, by the time i was 5 i had served in the US marines, british army ,foriegn legion, and the S.A.S, and had a total of over 6000 head shots! Being brought up on a farm i was always up early with my dad feeding the animals, he kept this huge bull in the back field ,and every morning he would make me run around in there with red pyjamas on!, by the age of 6 - till i was 10 years old , i worked with N.A.S.A, heading there mars space programme, as chief engineer i got to see all kinds of shit, and i gotta tell ya aliens really do exist!!!, the mission was a success and to this day mars and the milky way are both delicious as bed time snacks !, my teens were really cool as i got to travel first class every where i went, being primeminister of England had its perks but not with- out controversy, but thats another story , well I am now 6ft 6 inches blonde i got blue eyes and i look the spit of brad pit ,but confined to a mental hospital there really isnt much i can do about it !!!!!!1peace!!!AAAAAAARrrggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!Laughing

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Changsha's picture

Just the other day I went to the bank,the lady looked at me and said Oh Mr Changsha how nice to see you and handed me a bag full of money,I said is this for real? She said yes sir this is for you.So I left feelg quite happy.I then went out to eat,as I was ready to pay for the bill the owner came up to me and said Oh Mr.Changsha,its you sir,the meal is on the house.I thought great.After a good meal I thought ,time for a little fun,I mean I had this bag of money so why not spread it around.So I go into the local strip club,I sat down at a regular table,and all at one,I was told Oh no Your Mr Changsha,you can't sit their we have a VIP table waiting for you with your name on it.Everything is on the house including the girls.Talking about a great night!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well now it was time to go home and get some rest,I will need it because To be Mr Changsha you have busy days!!

thecarpenter666's picture

LMFAO guys , i would not expect anything less coming from you guys fookin hilarious!!!!

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/israel-125year-old-man-laughing.jpg

Cool

littleboo's picture

LMMFAO!!!! Damn guys hmm how can I top those great Bullshit stories. Nice bullshit stories for sure guys.

trollgirldawn's picture

Can't even come close to you guys with a story. Lol. Nice!

HELLFIGHTER's picture

We need a few of our wonderful FEARnet Lasses to come and feed us a line of Bullshit. . . . . . C'mon ladies. . . . . YOU CAN DO IT ! ! ! DONT BE SHY !  BRAG A LITTLE !  MAKE BELIEVE YOURE PARIS HILTON. . . . . . . JUST LEAVE OUT THE ICK FACTOR !

. . . . cause personally I find her to be some icky shit. . . . . . . . . might just be me though. . . . .

http://www.worldofstock.com/thumbs/PMO4392.jpg

 

http://www.worldofstock.com/thumbs/PCH15778.jpg

MrBradshaw's picture

My stories are not quite as good as y'alls, But i will throw my hat into the ring..............

First God made heaven and Earth.  The earth was without form,and void, and darkness was on the face of the deep.......

and the rest is history.

MrBradshaw's picture

Oh I left out 1 little thing......I created whiskey and beer(in that order) so the scottish couldnt rule the earth!

thecarpenter666's picture

thursday and i went to the shops to buy  some milk and cheese to make on omellete for later on ,on route to the shops , i found a suitcase in a bush , I opened it up and there was a whole stack of 50 pound notes in it, so i quickly ran back home with the case to get my car ,i threw the case in my car and took the suitcase and handed it in to my local police station, the officer in charge said to me well thanks son, thanks a bunch , i said no worries all in a days work, after leaving the police station ,i was feeling really chuffed with myself,and  ahead of me sat on the kerb , i saw what appeard to be a genie.

I said to this genie what you doin mate, he looked at me in disgust and said what the fook its gotta do with you ,you complete idiot!, what do you mean mate, what do i mean you prick, !you just handed over a whole stack of 50 pound notes, to the pigs!!!

So, I love pigs, pigs make me feel safe at night , and let me have a good night sleep so i dont have to worry about people trying to kill me in my sleep!!!you really are a no good tosser aren't you !!, by this time i was starting to feel a bit cross with this genie, so in a fit of rage i threw him into the road and a huge lorry run himover , but just as it was about to hit him the little bastard looked at me glaring into my soul and shouted PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPpppppppppprrrrrrrrriiiiiicccccccccckkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to this day all i here  is his last words wherever i go!!!!lolLaughing

HELLFIGHTER's picture

It was early Saturday morning. I was out in the field after my breakfast of beer and pancakes with crushed glass. I had finished drinking my hot black coffee right out of the scalding pot and off I went. I hated guiding dinosaur hunts for rookies cause they always found a way to muck it up. It had already been 6 steaming hours later of 150 degrees tropical heat and our little altercation with the velociraptors had wittled down some of the porters. I had killed the last one with my bare hands and managed to find some of the equipment the porters had tossed in a vain effort to run for it. I armed myself with a spoon and decided that maybe it was time to take the rubes back as they were dehydrating from having shit on themselves so many times and I was getting tired with saving their fat asses. Thats when I hear the roar of the tyrannosaurus! That was the fucker that had eaten my last cigar and I was out for blood. I decided it was best to take out the 65 foot tall, 6,000 ton fat fuck so the rubes could make it to safety. I pointed them the direction of the chocolate factory and lay in wait at the top of a tree that would guarantee me leaping down on him from 100 feet above him. I bit through a coconut for fiber as I grimly awaiting the lumbering beast. I was eating my second coconut when suddenly, he came slowly, crushing the trees and coming through the clearing. . . . . . I was ready! I gripped the spoon tightly. . . . . . . . . . .

 

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/funny-pictures-cat-suggests-a-larger-measuring-spoon.jpg

thecarpenter666's picture

I decided it was best to take out the 65 foot tall, 6,000 ton fat fuck so the rubes could make it to safety

http://idekonyol.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/israel-125year-old-man-laughing1.jpg


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