Member Blog Post

Oh my God, the living dead and unsightly are among us!  Many show signs of this spreading “critical condition.”  I say “critical condition” because they criticize and lie in wait. They come and go at rapid speeds and the infection is spreading. 

Many of them disappear and we are hopeful that perhaps they’ve been starved for attention, thus crawling off somewhere to die. All of a sudden, BAM, with bloodshot eyes, pasty skin, long nails and thinning white hair; net zombies are out stalking the web again and searching for the next potential victim.

The CDC has recommended removing the heads of such individuals, that are suspected of being net zombie stalkers.  From first hand knowledge, I’ve come to the conclusion that this effort may not be enough to stop them. Most of them have displayed signs of lacking rational intelligence to begin with.

Lab reports have concluded that the reason they crave brains, is because they do not possess any themselves.  Although you may “dismember” them or break them into parts separate from the whole, the pieces and parts from the original net zombie stalker, continue to twitch and move about on their own. Much to my horror and of course, my sick amusement too.

With this in mind, I recommend cremation as a deterrent. Putting them under the torch of fire, is the only thing that has been proven to work.  Long-term Fearnet members may have this weaponry to assist in the precautionary character burning, thus stopping the contagion from ultimately spreading. They are watching.

If you suspect you are in the danger zone of possible contact with a stalking net zombie, there are other signs of the infection, aside from the aforementioned facts about brains. These include:  wandering around the web aimlessly, intense paranoia, diarrhea of the mouth, delusions of grandeur, body rot, chicken legs and inarticulate speech. 

The zombies are not capable of critical thinking, ergo you should lie to them and only ask questions that you already have the answer to.  From those actions you may be better able to form a conclusion, if not, do what you can to send them to the nearest mental hospital immediately, to undergo I.Q. testing (that is of course only if you are out of matches).

There is no antidote.  My institution recently performed an operation that was successful in only managing to remove a net zombies head from it’s ass. From there, we tried to sew on a pair of balls on it, but it broke loose and ran away. If you see it, please inform someone immediately, I think it might be dangerous.

Unlike vampires, the net zombie stalkers have no fear of sunlight or bright lights.  Many of them will even stop in the middle of an attack, long enough to have their picture taken by the media. 

Bright flashes of the camera may actually stun them long enough, for them to be verbally / factually / legally burned and destroyed.  They are also drawn to the pretty flashing lights of police cruisers, ambulances and fire trucks, as they are always looking for new fresh meat for their sustenance. Apparently digging up dirt, produced little results.

Also unlike vampires they are not afraid of crosses because they possess no soul.  Many of them will purport that they are Christian, Wiccan, Buddhist or part of another peaceful group of people or a good will / good faith organization.  This is in order to deceive you, long enough for them to be able to present your ass on a platter, for the other attention-starved zombies

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Holy water will not hurt them, but if the zombie in question is female, the zombie might melt if you toss a bucket of water on it.  But I’ve only seen this happen once or twice. Please refer back to theory on character cremation.

Also note, net zombies are not trolls.  Though trolls themselves can be very unsightly and problematic too.  Fearnet trolls are little green shits, who like to play tricks and other head games. They may actually suck a few dicks in the process, if they think that it might help them in the long run.

Most of them remain silent for awhile, but they will not hesitate to attempt to profit off of your seed (in anyway) and are proud of their sexual conquests and fantasies, as it is so hard for them to get laid to begin with (much like the trolls of legend and well documented folklore).  In the end though, trolls usually end up living under a bridge, once they get their ass booted off of it.

Just a fair warning.