Member Blog Post

Reflecting upon a year of sobriety and abstinence from alchohol, and recently, tobacco as well, I lie on the floor this night, as dawn approaches, listening to music and wondering if, perhaps in another life or time, I was somehow connected with the earth in a more intimate manner, I carry a perpetual somberness, a longing for something unknown, I am practically buzzing at times with an energy that I know not how to focus, a sort of longing for …..i am not sure what, like being wound up with no place to go, I know that this yearning, longing, some sort of lonliness often manifests and finds me wanting to be outdoors, to feel a cool breeze, to see cloulds passing under the moon, to smell rain approaching, to feel moist soil, to watch leaves blow across the ground, I think back when I was drinking these unnamed energy and sort of inner hyperness was salved , but in this sober life style I have taken up it is IMMENSE, its weird,  I have overactive emotions now, and sad things seem so much more sad and intimate, I am trying to find the source of this weird energy that makes me long and pine for what I don’t even know, I guess I feel like some kind of nocturnal creature that is perpetually longing for lunar activity, haha. You see a beautiful face and  somehow, it instantly sends you into sadness, wanting to hear rain falling, I have learned about my self in the last year, its that my senses and sensitivity to the seasons, and to the sadness of love have become sharper, haha, I feel the need to take a walk today….. I started reading into astrology and I think it is amazing how much allot of it makes sense!