"The Corpse Vanishes"
This is an absolute must have for your Bela Lugosi collection. A 64 minute romp into the world of scientific vampirism...yup, the only description for it.
Dr. Lorenz (Lugosi) is obsessed with keeping his wife young and healthy. So naturally, he formulates a plot to kill all of the new, young brides in the area and steal their
corpses before they can be burried.
"Why?", you ask. Why else? He has to drain them of their blood to complete the process that keeps his wife from utter decay. And naturally, they both sleep in coffins. (Who needs sleep numbers or foam?)
But a clever and pushy little reporter, played by Luna Walters, (Who Pendark thinks is totally "Hubba Hubba"), figures out the plot and exposes him.
Slow in parts, a bit campy, but worth at least one view.
Pendark's Picks
In The Satanic Rites of Dracula, Christopher Lee plays the almighty vampire who has lived to challenge yet another generation of the Van Helsing family. And, you guessed it, Van Helsing's progeny (This one named Lorimar), is played by none other than Peter Cushing.
Set in the 1970's, which is rather convenient because that is when it is shot, we find Dracula at the head of a plot to destroy the world. His plan begins by forming a Satanic cult of followers. Whom does he choose to head this cult? Prominent leaders in science, medicine, and business...who else?
Dracula plans to take control of the world by killing off the human race that doesn't serve him, with a mutated form of the plague...or does he.
The British intelligence agents in charge of figuring out
what is going on in the creepy mansion out in the middle of nowhere,are naturally fouling it up. So it falls on Van Helsing to save the world. He does so by getting entangled in the plot in kind of a sideways fashion. But it was probably the easy way for the writers to explain it.
The sub-plot here is kind of cool, though the way the evil plan is unraveled kind of annoyed me at first and the way Dracula gets brought down at the end is a tiny bit...well...simple.
But there are some cool ritual scenes, motorcycle chases, this Asian dominatrix in charge of the mansion, the usual array of brides chained in the basement, and some nudity from a very pretty little vamp. So its a definite guy flick, if nothing else.
At 87 minutes, this was not too bad for killing the boredom. And, hey, it's in color.
Pendark's Picks
THE MANSTER:
This is not just cheesy, it is an entire block of well-aged goat cheese. And it is just so doggone tasty, you can't help eating the whole thing up.
Peter Dyneley, (Who looks strangely like Sheppard Smith from Fox News Channel), plays a reporter that is sent to interview a mysterious doctor, in his strange lab, somewhere it Tokyo.(Satoshi Nakamura) What he finds is a mad scientist performing strange genetic testing
on animals and humans.
While getting tangled in the doctor's web, that includes a sexy oriental assistant seducing him, the reporter gets pulled into the horrific experiments and is put through a series of transformations intoA two-headed, half man-half beast.
There are some really great effects for the day, some pretty oriental women, and oh, yeah, a fairly compelling plot. The ending is a truly masterful piece of film work for the day and will surprise even those who laugh through the rest.
At Approximately 60 minutes, this baby is a must see on a drinking night. Or, if you don't drink, a sugar buzz treat night.
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THE BAT:
Cornelia Van Gorder, a novelist (played by Agnes Moorehead) owns an aged estate. It is filled with horrific happenings and ghostly goings on. (Vincent Price) is observed committing murder most fowl, but he is not the only villain in the room.
Someone is doing away with guests and frightening those daring to enter the house. Who is it? Why are they doing it? You'll just have to sit through the occasionally slow unfolding of the plot to find out.
Could this movie be where we get the stories about "shadow men in hats" haunting houses?
Directed by Crane Wilbur..who? Starring Vincent Price, Agnes
Moorehead, Gavin Gordon, and Darla Hood, this is a film reminiscent of the old mystery theater radio shows.
Frankly, this one left me a little ambivolent. It is a bit simplistic for those of us raised on slashers and big fx. (You folks under 30 will probably hate it.)
But the film making aspect of this one is a fine example of what can be dome with light, shadow, angle, and dialogue.At approximately 60 minutes, this one won't take too much
time whether you end up liking it or not.
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The Terror:
Napoleonic cavalry soldier Lt Andre Duvalier (Jack Nicholson) gets lost along the coast of Germany.
He encounters a beautiful and mysterious woman named Helene. He follows her to the castle of a local Baron (Borris Carloff) and becomes entangled in a story of ghosts, spells, and treachery.
It has its slow moments, particularly by today's fast-
paced slasher standards, but it is a fun story. For the diehard classics fan like myself, it is worth the 81 minutes of your day. And it has two of the greats in it!
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The Last Man on Earth 1964/black and white/ 86 minutes
(Vincent Price) plays a doctor named Robert Morgan, a man tortured by the events he cannot change. He must live as one of the few unchanged survivors of an apocalyptic event that changes mankind into flesh eating zombies.
He takes it upon himself to rid the world of these beasts and makes frequent journeys into the dark and frightening world, to kill and destroy the bodies of those affected by the disease.
The vampire-like creatures hunt him down after he discovers a possible cure for the affliction, based on a serum made of his own blood. Will he become the savior of the world or a victim of it???
This one has its slow points, but some really great visuals and FX makeup for the day. And of course, it is the "king of class and style" in the lead role, so for me, it is worth the 86 minutes.
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The Brain That Wouldn't Die.
This is the sordid tale of a doctor named Bill Cortner, (played by Herb Evers), who is tortured by the death of his wife in a car accident. But he, being a brilliant surgeon, retrieves her head and puts it through a series of preservation experiments. The problem is, she has no body.
So, naturally, he goes trolling for a hussy with a hot body to put under his wife's head. He eventually gets a model with a scarred face and a curvaceous body to come to his lab under the auspices of doing surgery to fix her face. Naturally, as will all mad scientists plans, this goes awry. Black and white and 82 minutes long. Why this one
missed cult-classic status, I'll never know.
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The Giant Gila Monster
This is a 75 minute romp into the classic giant monster themes of the 1950's. Based in a small Texas town, this is the story of Chase Winstead, played by Don Sullivan. He is a mechanic and a musician, trying to get his music played on local radio and running his repair shop, when a series of odd events leads them to the conclusion that something strange is going on in the town. He is scheduled to sing at the local sock hop,that suddenly becomes threatened by the beast. The sherriff's attempts at defending the town are useless. So naturally it is up to our hero to save his peers from the beast. There is a side story of his little sister with polio that really has little to do with the overall story, but makes for tender moments and a nice little song he sings to her in 50's crooner style. This one is a royal cheesefest, but still fun to watch.
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Santa Clause conquers the martians:
This is an absolute cheesefest that is so terrible, so awful, so positively bad that it is the most fantastic thing I have ever seen!
Basically, the Martians have a terrible time trying to find out what it is that will make the children happy. This is hard to understand since it seems perfectly normal to use lithium or whatever comes out of those pipes, to put the antenna wearin greenies to bed. So, of course, the only solution is to come to earth and kidnap the greatest
known source of happiness for the children of this planet.
They spy santa being interviewed on live television and take that as their opportunity to nab the jolly man in red. This santa is a strange, excentric old man with a devlish streak in him. The actor must have been on drugs during the shoot because he overacts the traditional "HO, HO, HO" through half of the film.
Without a hint of shock, the world watches as the martian ship comes over the horizon. The Martians come upon two kids in the woods...why they are alone in the woods we don't know. The kids lead them to Santa. Naturaly, they send in the giant killer robot to do the job. The robot is magically put out of commission by being declared "a superbly made toy".
The Martians get a hold of Santa anyway and wackiness ensues as they battle the mean martian at the head of the plot, through simple means that make even less sense than the rest of the film. With the baddie gone, Santa can teach the martians to make toys...which is really all any kid needs to be happy...right?
Of course it solves all of the problems of the solar system. All the while santa laughs that overdone laugh.
Directed by Nicholas Webster and starring a whole host of lesser known actors including a young Pia Zadora, this 80 minute cheeselog from 1964 is perfect to go with a giant mug of eggnog...with lots of rum in it.
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The Snake People:
This one has some really awesome visuals for the day. This is particularly true if you are into voodoo, zombie women, and strange little midgets. I know I am!
This one stars the incomparable (Boris Karloff) as Mr. Van Molder. He is a plantation owner, on a mysterious island in the Caribean, who is conducting strange experiments in telekenisis.
A voodoo priestess, (Yolanda Montes)HubbaHubba, is conducting rituals of her own. Together, they are in control of an entire population of zombies.
They generally cause mayhem for the newly appointed chief of police played by (Ralph Bertrand), who attempts to restore order to the chaos and uncovers the evil goingson.
At approximately 87 minutes, this one is a great addition to your zombie/Karloff collection, simply because of the sheer artistry of the set work and the dynamic risk taken in the subject matter which includes the idea of reviving native women for the purpose of carnal relations.
A must see!
Pendark's Picks
(Kung Fu From Beyond The Grave)
This fan-freakin-tastic piece of grooviness, is an 89 mimute romp into fx and kung fu hell!
(Billy Chong) is a young man in search of his father's killer. (Always the best premise for a kung fu flick.) He litterally stumbles over the body of a dead priest with...what else...a magic book.
The book contains secrets of what today we call necromancy. But, he leaves the book with the corpse. Believing he has it, the villain, played by (Lo Lieh), sends henchmen to kill the youth.
In a climactic battle the young man is confronted by an evil sorcerer. (Is there any other kind?) Needing the secrets of magic, the young man exumes the corpse and retrieves the book.
Returning with a host of comedic "Jiangshi" or Japanese Hopping Corpses, he goes back to confront the sorcerer and the man that killed his father.
This is based on the legends of the Jiangshi, who, much like their European and American counterparts, come out on the day of the Dead and must be appeased with food and drink (and obscene amounts of currency.)
There is some good kung fu fighting, some pretty good makeup, a couple of nifty camera tricks, and one big surprise you will never guess in a million years. (And I'm not gonna tell ya.)
Just trust me, you will laugh yourself hoarse just like I did. Find it, experience it, own it. I did.
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