This weekend sports fans will be captivated by Super Bowl XLIII and the showdown between the Pittsburg Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals. But frankly, most horror fans couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the annual post-season face off! Sure you might sneak a peek at the big-budget previews for movies like Monsters vs. Aliens, Transformers 2 and Terminator: Salvation, or even endure the entire game for the “sport” of it. But really, as fans of the ultimate “face-off” genre, we’ve seen enough gut wrenching, blood splattering showdowns to last us a lifetime! It takes balls to take down a menacing great white shark, a fleet of zombies, an iconic slasher or the entire senior class! This “Big Game” weekend, FEARnet is celebrating the brave, cahone-havin’ heroes that take on any subhuman species or unidentified evil any day of the week---without leaving them a chance to get to the “playoffs”. We salute the brave men and women of the genre and honor the Biggest Balls in Horror! Hit the jump to see the few, the proud and the well endowed.

#10 - Sarah Michelle Gellar - Buffy The Vampire Slayer
For 7 seasons, TV’s Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar) put a sock in Hellmouth like no other vampire slayer we know; proving that just because she’s wearing a dangerously short skirt, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have some huge balls under those pleats! Buffy spent each week expelling demons, vampires and sadistic undead killers from her quaint town. Though Buffy wasn’t looking for a fight, she sure as hell wasn’t going to turn one down—especially when said fight involved a vampire threatening the sanctity of her high school or college! Our ol’ big balls heroine Buffy wouldn’t want to have to burn down another gymnasium, would she?

#9 - Nancy Thompson – A Nightmare on Elm Street
Oh Nancy Thompson, a child herself who took on the mass child killer and proclaimed dream king, Freddy Krueger. Many have tried and failed but Nancy’s dream-fighting balls essentially brought her through three Nightmare films (A Nightmare on Elm Street, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors and Wes Craven’s New Nightmare) to defeat that hideous knived-glove wearing freak show. And being a child didn’t stop Nancy from bringing it down hardcore (and quite creatively). In NOES, Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) rebukes all power given to Krueger through her Nightmares, in the sequel, her left-behind diary helps those poor child saps in their battle with Krueger, in Dream Warriors, Nancy throttles experimentive medicine and some unorthodox treatment of Krueger’s killers’ kids and in New Nightmare, Heather adorns the Nancy character one last time in a “final” showdown. Congratulations my dear Nancy. You missy, have balls of fury.

#8 – Police Chief Martin Brody - Jaws
He may have needed a bigger boat, but somewhere in the “ball region”, Martin Brody (Roy Scheider) was doing just fine! As the Police Chief of a shore-front town riddled with fear of a killer great-white shark, Martin went head to teeth with the shark and blew his massive limb-chomping head to bits. As one of only two survivors on the fatal shark-killing voyage, Martin goes down as one of the most iconic heroes in horror history and reminds us that in the face of big balls, even giant sharks can bit off more than they can chew!

#7 - Tommy Jarvis – Friday the 13th
As a kid, Tommy’s first encounter with Jason proved that he had the stones to go up against one of the most bloodthirsty slashers in horror history four times over. After discovering that the masked, machete-wielding menace was thirsty for his and his sister’s blood, Tommy shaves his head to trick the shrewd slasher, succeeding, but only briefly enough for Tommy to jam a machete into Jason’s skull. Making appearances in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (played by Corey Feldman), Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (played by John Shepherd), Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (played by Thom Mathews), Tommy Jarvis just wouldn’t give up until he chained Jason to the bottom of Crystal Lake (eventually, this proves unsuccessful as we all know, but his balls were big enough to give it a shot). At one point, Tommy, lost in his own hallucinations, even prepares to embody Jason Voorhees himself! Those are some pretty big, algae-covered pants to fill. But we’re not worried Tommy!

#6 – Ben – Night of the Living Dead
Sure Ben has balls for taking on countless zombies but his true bravery lies in the form of careful planning and a technique for setting zombie’s ablaze. Though many of his brainstorms failed miserably (mostly to the fault of the crazzzazzzyy folks he tried valiantly to protect), Ben held off the zombie rampage and would have survived had it not been for the idiot Cooper family and the unknowing zombie-hunting posse that erroneously (or not) shot the still alive Ben mistaking him for the undead. Their loss though, Ben’s balls could have carried them through a world-wide zombie showdown!

#5 – Ellen Ripley – Alien
Lasting through almost 3 Alien movies is no easy feat, especially when those damn extraterrestrial embryos have the propensity to nest in ones chest and propel through ones rib cage at any given moment. But Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) went by unscathed for quite some time. That was until Ripley made the ultimate sacrifice and plunged herself into a fiery furnace to kill off a queen alien embryo that had been planted inside of her. Balls big enough to end her own life just to ensure the Alien Queen could not be recovered from her body? Ever? Yeah, out of this world balls.

#4 – Carrie White – Carrie
You probably didn’t notice because of the floor length dress, but Carrie White is the proud owner of a huge set of balls. After being tormented by her senior class peers for four years and being maliciously crowned prom queen by some pig-blood spewing jerks, Carrie exacts a bit of telekinetic revenge. But Carrie didn’t just go for the guys and gals who doused her in the red gunk. She kindly locked the doors and set the entire building ablaze leaving the senior class and unsupportive faculty engulfed in flames.

#3 – Ash Williams – Evil Dead
A normal college student vacation to a cabin in the woods? Seems simple enough until they find the Book of the Dead (Necronomicon) and expel a whole hell of demons on the tiny cabin forcing them to endure some demonic rapings and brutal possessions. Shotgun (and later, chainsaw) in tow, Ash Williams tries to save his friends but realizes all hope is lost as he becomes a demon fighting bad-ass for the ages! Through Evil Dead, Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness, Ash loses a lot of friends, a lover, even a hand, but never once loses his balls.

#2 - Laurie Strode – Halloween
A 17-year-old virginal babysitter seems easy to rattle, right? Not so in the case of Laurie Strode, who, after discovering the corpses of her freshly killed friends and realizing a crazed murderer was after her, broke out some of the biggest balls we’ve seen on screen! Laurie goes up against Michael Myers, one of the most menacing masked murderers, with a meager knitting needle to no avail, but doesn’t call it quits my friend. Oh no, dear Laurie goes back with a vengeance for even more with a metal hanger and Myers’ own knife to bat!

#1 - Uwe Boll – All Things Uwe Boll
Let’s face it, Uwe Boll is widely thought of as a disgrace to the genre. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not a hero of sorts. For sure, Uwe has some of the biggest balls in horror history. Love him or hate him, the man took movie critics into the boxing ring (and beat their asses!), rose up after Alone in the Dark (I and II), BloodRayne (I, II and an upcoming III), Far Cry, Postal and multi-Razzi nominee In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (I’m being nice by stopping here) and STILL without fail continues to make movies. Not only does he just continue to make movies quietly, he blasts explosion-happy directors like Michael Bay via YouTube and denounces fans who despise his work. This man basks in the glory of being so good at being so bad. And this Super Bowl weekend we salute you Mr. Uwe Balls. We salute you for truly having the biggest balls in horror.

Honorable Mention: Lack of Balls

The Freeling Family – Poltergeist
We’d call them something much worse if we could, but for the sake of journalistic integrity, we’ll just say The Freeling Family of Poltergeist had a “lack of balls”. Sure they employed the help of a parapsychologist and rescued their sweet daughter Carol Anne from the television but truth be told, the only reason the Freelings survived is because they left their haunted home! Driving frantically away from their newly bought house while said house decided to angrily implode into an alternative dimension is no way to gain big ball status. Running will get you nowhere you fleeing Freelings, you. Nowhere!