We're psyched that J.J. Abrams is taking the reigns of a brand-new Star Trek film! Whether twisting plots on Lost, smashing NYC with Cloverfield, or changing outfits on Alias, Abrams knows how to deliver. But as excited as we are, we couldn't help but imagine what Star Trek would be like if some of our other favorite directors came on board. Here's how we think it would play out.

Eli Roth (Hostel)

Why we want him on board:

Eli Roth knows how to bring the blood. We think it would be an exciting change of pace to see the usually bloodless series (phasers may stun, but they don't lacerate) take a turn toward the "Rated R" side of the road. We certainly aren't suggesting a Roth-like director change the series forever, but imagine Spock in a gritty neo-horror...in space! Doesn't that kind of sound awesome?

How his style would change Trek:

Roth's style, apart from being blood-filled, features settings full of rust and grime. We'd love to see him transform the Enterprise from a sterile ship to a creaking, broken-down jalopy. His shots are painfully intense, and hold on to the gruesome action until the viewer can't take it anymore! Think of those grueling shots transferred to a genre where the quick-cut is king.

What we could expect:

Look for Roth to really play up themes of isolation and travel sickness. No doubt someone on the Enterprise will lose their mind, and watch as the crew tries to hide in a starship that now seems impossibly small! The blood would flow, tendons would be phasered apart, and a final, brutal climax would play out during re-entry to Earth!  Come to think of it, that sounds more than a little bit like Steven Soderbergh's Sunshite…

Diablo Cody (Juno, United States of Tara, Jennifer's Body)

Why we want her on board:

Though she's new on the scene, we think Ms. Cody could do a bang up job on Trek. Her style is quick, snappy, and popular with the kids – honest to blog! Talk about reviving a franchise, imagine if she gave her alterna-pop spin to this 40-year-old series.

How her style would change Trek:

There's no script like a Diablo Cody script. Not only would her dialogue change the entire mood and tone of Star Trek (picture a very "meta," self-referential Kirk), but her settings would feel totally different. We can't imagine Cody going all out with huge explosions of special effects. Instead, we imagine this as a much smaller, much more indie space epic.

What we could expect:

We're not sure how she'd get a crew of high school students onto the ship, but believe us…she would. Think love triangles and characters that can say a mouthful, but could never exactly say how they feel (i.e. Worf). Also…sass-mouthed robots.

Michael Bay (Armageddon, Transformers)

Why we want him on board:

Okay, so maybe it wouldn't be such a stretch to imagine Michael Bay landing a new Star Trek gig. Even still, we'd love to see the king of special effects tackle the franchise. Picture the high-octane thrill of space battles done by the guy who choreographed the highway battle in Transformers!

How his style would change Trek:

Bay is a very visual director. We could see him completely overhauling the classic Enterprise. Certainly he'd deliver a full redesign with extreme, damage-dealing weaponry and probably the ability to morph into a submarine or maybe a giant robot.  Mock it if you must but, seriously, why wouldn't you want to see Kirk piloting a giant Enterprise mecha!

What we could expect: 

Let's be honest, here. Bay's plots are just there to get him from one explosion to the next. We imagine him trimming down the intrigue and diplomacy of the series for a straightforward end-of-the-galaxy scenario. No double-crosses, no moral crises, no philosophizing - just the good guys and bad guys laser-blasting the shit out of each other, to a very, very loud soundtrack. Let's just hope he doesn't hand the keys to the Enterprise over to Shia Labeouf.

Joss Whedon (Buffy, Dollhouse)

Why we want him on board:

Joss is God, or so his legion of faithful fans likes to proclaim.  Like Abrams, his television work is amazing, and we bet he could make a fantastic Trek. While his dialogue is snappy and his storylines are exciting, what makes us most yearn for his involvement is his respect for the genre. He's already shown his space opera chops with the short lived and much beloved Firefly series and Serenity feature film.

How his style would change Trek:

We wouldn't be surprised if Whedon went the same route as Abrams, focusing on a younger crew. Expect a totally different vernacular with the crew getting in some "holodeckage" and feeling "hyperdrivey."

What we could expect:

Joss has a thing for strong women paired with paternal protectors.  In his Trek, we'd bet that James T. Kirk would be reborn as Jamie Kirk (played by Eliza Dushku?), the toughest chick ever to squeak through Starfleet.  (Hey, a gender-swapped Starbuck worked for Ron Moore's reimagined Battlestar Galactica!)  Spock would probably be an older Vulcan dude, maybe with an English accent.  Fanfickers, start your engines…

David Cronenberg (The Fly, Scanners)

Why we want him on board:

Who wouldn't want the master of body horror to get back into the sci-fi game? His movies focus on the mutilation and transformation of the human body through science and disease, and we think he could really do some freaky shit with the Enterprise. Cronenberg would really take the crew where no man's gone before!

How his style would change Trek:

Cronenberg is all about the violating of the flesh, mixing man and machine. Borg, anyone?  When Cronenberg assimilates your ass, you know it's been assimilated.  And in The Fly, Cronenberg used teleportation as the scientific root of all Jeff Goldblum's problems. Teleportation is how the men and women on Star Trek get around! We can't see how he could ignore this ripe ground for mutation!

What we could expect:

Lately, Cronenberg has been fascinated with naked violence – quite literally in the memorable sauna scene in Eastern Promises.  I think for sure we can count on a shirtless Kirk – probably Viggo Mortensen -  wielding a Bat'leth against an onslaught of angry Klingons.

That sums up our five dream-directors for Star Trek. What do you guys think? Are we dead on with our picks? Have we left out someone major? Who would your dream Trek director be? Let us know!