On Monday I was Eaten by a Shark. Nobody Told Me 'Til Tuesday.
UPDATED: All has been revealed. (See below)
I'm having a rough week. Apparently, I died.
On Tuesday, a mysterious package arrives on my desk. Opening it reveals a huge jar. Inside: a beach closure warning sign, a rusted key attached to a flotation device from Discovery Marina, a pair of board shorts with a badly mangled right leg, a big shark's tooth with a rusted tag attached, and a newspaper clipping of an obituary.
My obituary.
It starts, "Sean Redlitz, the esteemed Editor in Chief of FEARnet.com, died Monday July 6. The cause of death was a grisly shark attack on Hermosa City Beach." After a bit about FEARnet and a bit about my past jobs, it concludes, "Funeral arrangements are scheduled for Thursday, July 9, in Los Angeles CA." But no location is given. Not only am I dead, I'm not even invited to my own funeral!
My thoughts immediately go to all the "surprise - you're dead!" horror movies I've seen over the years. I must not be Sixth Sense dead since my boss keeps telling me to do stuff. I don't think I'm Jacob's Ladder dead as I haven't had any hallucinations (recently). Maybe I'm Carnival of Souls dead? I am oddly drawn to abandoned amusement parks...
My biggest hope for survival is those board shorts. Damn, they're ugly. Shark or no shark, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be caught dead in those.
The package offers up a few clues: there's a URL (www.frenziedwaters.com) on the rusty tag and a phone number (386-675-0342) on the warning sign. But who's got time for that? Instead I go straight to Google, where I discover other jars, shorts and obits popping up all across the web, at sites like JoBlo, Screen Rant and YesButNoButYes. Neatorama in particular offers an interesting theory.
So what is the mystery of Frenzied Waters? Hard to say but until I find out, you won't be seeing me anywhere near Hermosa.
UPDATED: Turns out, Frenzied Waters is an especially creepy online promotion for this year's Shark Week on Discovery Channel. The URL now redirects to a Discovery Channel page.
What did you think? Cool way to reference deep-sea scares like Jaws and Open Water or misleading campaign for a science show? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
