Christmas is no doubt a sacred time of the year - a time to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior, a time to spread happiness and joy, and a time to hold our loved ones tight and let them know how much we appreciate them.
Well, for most people at least.
For horror fans like ourselves, Christmas is a time to dust off our DVD copies of Silent Night, Deadly Night and Black Christmas, bust out our Cthulhu ornaments and zombie Santa decorations, and scour the internet for unique Christmas cards that are sure to make our relatives worry about our sanity and well-being. Ah, the joys of the holidays!
If you’re looking to infuse a little horror into your holiday season, but aren’t sure where to start, then we’ve put together this handy guide to help you out. Here are 10 products guaranteed to get you in the holiday horror spirit!
JASON VOORHEES CHRISTMAS CARDS
We have to date seen twelve different incarnations of Jason Voorhees, and they’re all represented in these badass Christmas cards from artist Joel Robinson. I’m not sure the big guy would approve of his machete being replaced with a candy cane and a fluffy white beard being added on top of his hockey mask, but I sure do. $25 for a pack of ten (or $4 each), from Joel’s Etsy shop.
Zombies are absolutely everywhere these days, and so there’s no shortage of zombie-themed holiday decor available on the internet - from zombie elves to zombie reindeer, zombie Santas to zombie… nutcrackers?! Yep, not even nutcrackers are safe from the zombie apocalypse. And something tells me these gruesome little guys are more into cracking open sternums and ripping out guts than they are cracking open shells and ripping out nuts. $70 from Etsy shop Zombie Nutcrackers... where else?!
KRAMPUS GIFT TAGS
As much as I’d love to tell you that you can get away with just sending out cards and being done with it, the truth is that Christmas is the most wallet-draining holiday of them all, and you’re going to have to go out and shop around in stores you hate, to spend a lot of money on things you know nothing about. That’s just the way it works - and please know that we feel your pain. So why not add a little personal touch to your gifts this year, and have some fun with the stressful and expensive gift-giving process? I can think of no better way to do that than with these Krampus gift tags, which showcase vintage depictions of the Christmas demon from Alpine folklore. $3.50 for a sheet of six, from Etsy shop Curious Crow Digital.
SANTA MONSTERS GIFT WRAP
Of course, you can’t hand out gifts or put on tags before wrapping them up, and we’ve got you covered in that department too. All of the iconic and beloved Universal Monsters are all up in the holiday spirit on this unique gift wrap, some looking happier to be spreading holiday cheer than others – I’m looking at you, Frank. $4.03 for two 20”x30” sheets, from Archie McPhee.
SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT STOCKING
Whether you’re getting a lump of coal or candy and lotto tickets this year, the jolly fat dude is going to need something to stuff when he comes tumbling down your chimney…. aside from his face. If a stocking with your name spelled out in glitter and glue just isn’t going to do it for you anymore, then hang this bad boy from your chimney with care, in honor of the greatest Christmas horror movie of all time. $10 from Inked Up Merch.
GINGERDEAD MAN COOKIE CUTTER
Christmas is just about the only time of the year that I feel compelled to put on those bulky mitts and channel my inner Martha Stewart, as I’ve developed an annual tradition of baking gingerbread cookies while watching Full Moon’s Gingerdead Man – come on, it stars Gary Busey as the voice of a killer cookie… what’s not to love?! With these gingerdead man cookie cutters – nothing to do with the movie, mind you – that annual tradition has just gotten all the more awesome. $6.99 each, from Think Geek.
HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES HOT COCOA
Yes, there is indeed an officially licensed blend of House of 1,000 Corpses hot chocolate mix – your eyes do not deceive you. Nothing soothes the soul on these frigid winter nights quite like a mug of warm hot cocoa, and Captain Spaulding is all about making your holiday season as bright as possible. This is his very own Christmas Blend, a blood red hot chocolate that he made especially for you, with his own two hands. And no, he didn’t wash them first. Don’t be silly. $14.99 from Halloween Town.
If I’m being honest, I never really understood wreaths. I’m all about getting a fresh-cut wonderful smelling Christmas tree every year, but I’ve never felt compelled to complete the look with a wreath. That is, until I saw this bad boy. This handmade wreath monster, inspired by Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before Christmas, is the absolute perfect way to dress up your front door, and let those annoying carolers know that you’re not one to be trifled with. It’s an imitation wreath, but that just means you’ll be able to use it year after year. $29.95, from Etsy shop ChalupaVille.
Perhaps the most bizarre Christmas tradition of them all is the one that dictates you plant a big wet kiss on the person nearest to you, if you should happen to find yourselves underneath a sprig of hanging mistletoe. It’s already weird, so why not make it even weirder? Introducing a brand new tradition for us horror folk; kissing under severed mistle-toes… get it? GET IT?!?! Just make sure to keep your mouth firmly pressed against your lover's... wouldn't want any drops of blood falling in there. $10 each, from Etsy shop VooDooWilly.
‘JAWS’ QUINT ORNAMENT
And finally, there’s no easier way to add ample doses of horror into your holiday celebrations than with horror-themed ornaments, and these days there are tons of them out there to choose from - as we recently posted, there’s even one of the worm-eyed dude from Fulci’s Zombie. If it’s a unique horror-inspired ornament you’re looking to hang on your Christmas tree, this year and for years to come, I’m thinking you’ll agree when I say that this one fits the bill. Quint’s one of the most heroic and badass characters in the history of horror, and this ornament is the absolute perfect holiday conversation piece - you'll be comparing scars with your family members in no time! $7.50 from Etsy shop Castle McQuade.
Can you think of any other products that horror fans should have in their holiday arsenal? Comment below and let us know about ‘em!