Here at FEARnet, we're all about vacation time. Hitting the road, getting away from it all, sometime's it's nice to just take a break from all the destruction, murder and mayhem.
But as this Friday's new flick A Perfect Getaway (starring Steve Zahn, Timothy Olyphant and Milla Jovovich) shows us, sometimes getting away means getting in over your head – or worse. Based on thousands of hours spent watching thrillers and horror flicks, we suggest you think twice before booking your next holiday to any of these five destinations.
Bugs. Poison Ivy. Wild animals. Remind me again why people are so keen to go camping in the woods? It's been 10 years since The Blair Witch Project and I'm pretty sure those film students aren't coming back. The hikers in Wolf Creek would have been better off staying home. Even a cabin in the woods is no safe haven, judging by films like Evil Dead and Cabin Fever.
The tag line for Jaws 2 was "just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water..." Wait, who ever thought it was safe to begin with? The surf is a dark scary place filled with killer fish (Jaws, Piranha, Open Water) and the sand isn't that much safer (Blood Beach, Turistas).
An overcrowded hotel may be a hassle, but an empty one can kill you. Psycho's Bates Motel and The Shining's Overlook Hotel are the best known, but don't overlook the killer digs of Identity, Vacancy and 1408. These establishments may "leave the light on for you," but if that light is a bare bulb swinging ominously, odds are you can plan on an early – and bloody - check-out.
Sure, the lodging is cheap and the villages are picturesque, but even Bram Stoker knows a trip to the Carpathians can be a pain in the neck. Should you find yourself alone in Romania or Slovakia on a moonless night, avoid vampire-infested castles (as seen in the Subspecies series) and steer clear of any hostels promising kinky sexcapades (as in Eli Roth's Hostel films). Oh, there'll be plenty of penetration, but it'll mostly involve your spleen and sharp, pointy objects.
Seriously people, how many more Friday the 13th movies does Hollywood need to make before we shut down these macramé-littered killing fields for good? OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. No one died in my three summers spent at Camp French Woods...though I still wake up nights screaming, flashing back to the horrors of "Color War." But I digress. Beyond Jason's trail of broken campers, consider "camp" classics like Madmen and Sleepaway Camp. You'll never hear "Kumbaya" again without a chill running down your spine.
Enjoy your summer vacation!