Holiday Chopping List: Luxe Gifts


Times are still tough, economically. But if you are one of the lucky ones who are rolling in dough, have a sugar momma/daddy, won the lottery, or have a rich old relative who is about to die and leave you a huge inheritance, here are ten pricey gifts that are mighty cool. And if you are feeling in the giving spirit, I could really use a coffin couch or a skeletor belt....

Coffin Couch

Decorate your crypt in style with a coffin couch. Each handcrafted couch is made from a recycled coffin, collected from funeral homes. Yup, these coffins are "used" and have biohazard symbols embossed on them "in the event body fluids are exchanged on these coffins." Um.... yeah. Anyway, Coffin Couches can be customized with any number of color, fabric, logo, and trimmings options.

Starting from $3500 at

Skeletor Belt

Feel the cold hands of death encircle you with this Delfina Delettrez belt.  Sterling silver skeletal hands are attached to a wide leather belt, and the bony fingers interlock if you cinch it tight enough.  Each piece is hand-crafted in Rome.  It's not cheap, but it is damned hot.

Approx. $3,953 at

Tentacle Wall Art

Have you ever wanted to feel like you are living in a ship that is being attacked by a Kraken? Your first step is to buy this art. Created by ArtAkimbo, this handmade three dimensional wall sculpture is made of a combination of wood, wire, papier mache, and shellac.

$2,300 at

H.R. Giger Harkonnen Chair

If money's no object, you can drop this gift of a lifetime on the diehard Alien franchise fan on your list:  behold the exquisite Harkonnen chair, as designed by H.R. Giger himself.  Besides, you can't put a price on this level of craftsmanship and artistry, right?  (Well, if you read past the 'If money's no object' intro, you already know there's a price on it.  A $15,000 one for the basic model.)

Table not included.  John Hurt writhing on the table definitely not included.  Also, this is not a set of chairs.  This is one chair.'s the coolest chair in the universe.  If it doesn't make a Giger fan's ecstatic heart burst right out of his or her chest, what will?

$15,000+ at


There is some weird, weird shit out there, and SkinBags are pretty damn weird.  Created by a French artist, SkinBags are made of a proprietary synthetic material that has the look, texture, wrinkles, and translucence of skin.  One of the bags offered is actually shaped like a head, but that is far less effective than the original, classic SkinBag, whose discoloration makes it look like you tenderized your victim before skinning him.  If you ever wanted a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-style apron or dress, this is the place to go.  But if the police question you, you didn't hear about this from us.

$400 for the classic bag at

Skull Rug

Get rid of that dull hand-me-down Oriental rug in favor of something far more unique: a skull rug from John Pour Home.  This 30" x 40" throw rug is made of soft five millimeter thick felt and each rug is cut by hand.  The designer aims to "challenge the way we think of rugs."   I am a big fan of the fact that one of the product shots shows the rug decorating a baby's room.  The rug is placed right in front of the crib.  Talk about raising your kids right!

$199.00 on

Skull Wallpaper

Go beyond just painting your walls black. Paint (er, paper) them with skulls. At first glance, this wallpaper looks rather abstract. But focus your eyes for a moment and an orgy of skulls jumps out. Warning: this paper isn't cheap. You may just want to paper one wall with it.

$155 per roll at Graham Brown

Alien Black Velvet Painting

Paintings on black velvet have become synonymous with kitsch. Why settle for a "traditional" "Velvet Elvis," or "Dogs Playing Poker" when you could get the Queen from Alien? Created by tattooist and artist Bruce White, who decided that "Elvis and Jesus are not the only icons of the world worthy of being immortalized on a velvety canvas." In addition to the Alien Queen, some of Bruce's geeky velvet portraits have included Hellboy, Pee Wee Herman, Morticia Addams, the Ghostbusters, Nosferatu, and the Terminator.

$250 at

Tentacle Candlestick Holders

Now this is the way to liven up a dinner party. These tentacle candlestick holders are, well, damned awesome. If you are lucky, at least one unsuspecting guest won't notice until halfway through the evening that those interesting, swirly candlestick holders are actually the monstrous tentacles of an unseen monster reaching from the depths of your dinner table.

$140 at

Zombie Jigsaw Puzzle

I'm a geek.  I love jigsaw puzzles.  But this is beyond just a jigsaw puzzle.  This is art.  This is a three-dimensional, 24-piece puzzle in the shape of a zombie.  Hand-cut from Aspen wood, some of the pieces are just abstract bits of rotting flesh.  But a few identifiable pieces remain - the brain, part of the spine, a femur.