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News Article

The Hulk Has Crappy Underoos


Just about everything involving the Hulk that isn't Hulk-like is freaky. Often quite awesome, but freaky nevertheless. Take the @drunkhulk Twitter feed for example, which offers the jade giant's (admittedly inebriated) thoughts on everything from Obama's foreign policy to The Notebook. Or consider the fact that the Hulk is willing to kill people for the sake of Hostess Fruit Pies. Perhaps the weirdest bit of Hulk lore, however, involves underwear. I'm speaking of course about that fondly remembered kid phenomenom of the '80s called Underoos. See what I mean after the jump.

After watching this TV commercial, I suspect the reason the Hulk is so damn angry all the time is because he's stuck with the worst Underoos imaginable. While other comic book characters like Superman or The Flash were bestowed the ultimate honor of underwear that allowed kids to dress like them, the Hulk -- who puts on a brave face above as he dutifully sings his little song -- had to settle for a lousy picture of himself on an undershirt. To make matters worse, it was a white undershirt. In other words, Hulk Underoos were so sucky you could basically make them yourself by ironing a cheap decal onto underwear that was too grimey for your older brother or father to wear anymore. (Even the friggin' Lone Ranger and Tonto were honored with snazzy blue and beige tees.) And you just knew the pits on the Hulk Underoos were gonna turn yellow as soon as you hit puberty... I'm not even gonna get into the racial implications of this shit, but is it just a coincidence that the African-American kid is forced to wear the crappy underwear?

Yeah, I know. It's not like the Hulk wears a costume. So maybe the thinking back then was that there was no point in trying to help kids look like the emerald Avenger, when most of them couldn't even pass for Aquaman (who, by the way, had a perfectly bitchin' pair of Underoos). But couldn't they at least have made the briefs purple? Until this question is answered, I refuse to spend even a second of my time thinking about world peace.