FEARNET Movie Review: 'Bait 3D'


I'm known as sort of a "soft touch" when it comes to shark movies. Whether it's a low-rent import or a lower-rent SyFy Channel exploit like Two-Headed Shark Attack, I approach any movie about shark attacks with a bemused smile and a childlike sense of optimism. Some of these cheesy shark movies deliver the goods in exchange for my time and patience -- and some do not. Unfortunately the silly new shark flick import from Australia does not deliver the goods -- unless you consider terrible dialogue, an uneventful plot, and some of the dumbest characters ever written "the goods." I do not.

Boasting a suitably nifty premise about a supermarket that gets flooded by a tsunami and then, logically, invaded by sharks, Bait 3D sure sounds like a hoot and a half on paper, but once you've hit play and settled in for some grade-C shark attack lunacy, Bait 3D just sort of sits there, dull, cheap, and borderline insulting with its amateur hour presentation. What was once an amusing idea on paper has become a painfully low-budget reality, and while a cheaply-made film can still prove to be adequately charming or at least stupidly entertaining, Bait 3D is simply too low-rent to warrant much enthusiasm -- even to a shark movie nut like myself.
Most of the film takes place in one of two places: in the supermarket, where a bunch of racially diverse nobodies balance atop supermarket shelves and try to avoid the shark fins that occasionally swim by, and in the parking garage, where some of the most egregiously-written whiner characters are trapped in a car, whining. The flick switches back and forth to both groups at random, and since both locations are packed with broad, stupid characters, Bait 3D basically becomes a movie in which you're waiting for people to get eaten. Suffice to say that the shark attacks are not very satisfying to behold.
"Cheaply-made" is fine, especially when you're looking at a silly shark movie, but there's next to nothing in the quality control department of Bait 3D, which makes it a little tougher to say nice things. The film struggles with basic components like acting, score, editing, and tension. Based on the fact that original director Russell Mulcahy was replaced and that Bait 3D boasts no less than six(!) screenwriters, it seems like this silly little project hit production (and post-production) snags at every conceivable turn. The final product certainly looks like something that was cut, re-cut, and cobbled together at least a dozen times. As far as shark attack movies go, there's quality, there's campy, and then there's crap. Bait 3D falls somewhere between campy and crappy, and like lots of low-budget horror movies, it's nowhere near as amusing as its premise suggests.

"Sharks in a Supermarket!" is a pretty silly idea, but there's no reason it has to be this sloppy and stupid.