Review

Let’s get things mega-straight. First there was Megashark vs. Giant Octopus (2009), then came Mega Piranha, and then the animated family comedy Megamind. None of these films are related in any way, nor do they connect to the 1982 non-classic Megaforce. (OR to this weekend’s brand-new Mega Python vs. Gatoroid starring Tiffany and Debbie Gibson, which we can’t wait to review.) No, Megashark vs. Crocosaurus is (logically, duh) the month-long-awaited sequel to Megashark vs. Giant Octopus, and I’m here to share a spoiler with you all. Let’s try it in an equation:

If Movie #1 = Megashark vs. Giant Octopus and Movie #2 = Megashark vs. Crocosaurus, then Giant Octopus is, unfortunately, dead.

I do hope you’ve all seen Megashark vs. Giant Octopus before reading this article. Regarding the inevitable comparisons between the two instant classics of Mega-cinema: Part 1 had Debbie Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas, international superstar Megashark, and France’s Best Cephalopod Nominee Giant Octopus.

Part 2 has (brace yourself) Jaleel White, Robert Picardo, international superstar Megashark, and the biggest CGI crocdile you ever did see! Also some guy called Gary Stretch who’s freaking hilarious as an Indiana Jones guy, the mega-hot Sarah Lieving as some mega-hot woman, and one truly awesome piece of DVD cover art. (Seriously, I want it framed!)

Let’s be serious for a minute: nobody with a sane mind sits down to watch a SyFy Channel / The Asylum co-production that places freaking URKEL in control of saving the planet from iceberg-sized reptiles and ultra-massive (yet oddly acrobatic) sharks. With that in mind, Megashark vs. Crocosaurus delivers all the head-slapping stupidity we’d ever want from a flick with this title, and while it’s very stupid and frequently amateurish stuff, there’s still an amiable sense of old-fashioned 1950’s “giant monster matinee” quaintness to this junk. My strongest defense of these flicks is that they don’t approach the stuff ironically, winking at the audience as if we ALL KNOW HOW ROTTEN IT IS.

Sometimes we want a movie that’s smarter than we are. Like The Social Network or Network or Men at Work. And sometimes we need a movie to feel “better than,” to mock and playfully tease. I wouldn’t want to sit through a flick like this every night of the week, but I still find the SyfySylum stuff to be (at the very least) slightly amusing. And sometimes that’s enough.

Plus, like I said, Robert Picardo is in it.