Movie Review: 'Two-Headed Shark Attack'


Two-Headed Shark Attack. That's the title of the film you're presently considering, to the point that you're willing to spend six of your life's minutes reading a review of it. Again: Two-Headed Shark Attack. That's the title.

If I told you the movie was about a "semester at sea" class that gets attacked (repeatedly, outlandshly, gorily) by a two-headed shark, would you need more of a plot synopsis than that? And if so, why? It's just a big (bouncy) bunch of bubbleheads who run around a boat -- and a rapidly sinking atoll -- while tossing out mindless dialogue in between the admirably vicious moments of shark-related carnage. In relation to a "studio" shark flick like the recent Shark Night, this cheap little matinee movie goes all out. Shark Night might have a bigger budget and fancier cameras, but Two-Headed Shark Attack has more gory mayhem. (Plus it has a little more respect for its audience than Shark Night does.)

And if you think one great white shark can do some juicy B-movie damage, well, imagine that fish with two heads! I'm no math expert but that's like double the shark. And this one is so damn ruthless you'll start to believe it's killing more for fun than for food. Not that the special effects are fantastic, but horror fans will at least appreciate that this shark flick doesn't skimp on the gore. The filmmakers seem to take great delight in throwing their nubile cast members directly into the gaping maw(s) of their two-headed fiberglass shark monster. Cast-wise, we have the still-beautiful (and still mega-curvy) Carmen Electra as a potential heroine; Charlie O'Connell as her limping husband, Brooke Hogan as a bikini-clad do-gooder, and a whole bunch of great-looking post-teens who prance around half-naked and stupid.

So let's cut straight to the point, because "fun" is really all that matters. Nobody but fools or perhaps very old people watch Asylum / SyFy movies called Two-Headed Shark Attack expecting layered screenplays, wonderful acting, or anything resembling a cohesive sense of logic. We want fun. So while, yes, this low-low-budget excursion has its share of very talky moments in which dialogue is presented by, let's be kind, talking mannequins ... the screenplay is just smart enough to throw us a moment of outlandish carnage every few minutes. Two-Headed Shark Attack is little more than a slasher flick that features one wacky slasher, and while it's still peppered with several blatant moments of chintz, stupidity, and outright cheapness, this happens to be a SyFy / Asylum joint that delivers some goofy goods. 

It's the kind of flick you watch while you're playing a video game and you'll look up only when the shark starts eating people. Not a terrible way to spend 88 minutes.