Television Tourniquet: We Bite into 'True Blood' 2.8


True Blood Episode 2.8
Written by: Alexander Woo
Directed by: John Dahl
Original Airdate: 9 August 2009

In This Episode…

Godric, despite being a peace-loving vampire, snaps Gabe's neck the moment he pulls him off Sookie.  As the church alarms sound, he directs Eric to lead Sookie to safety – and spill no blood on the way.

As I insisted last week, Jason isn't dead.  Sarah shot him with a paintball gun.  She is furious, he is hurt and confused.  After a few frustrating minutes of "Who's On First?", she accuses him of being a vamp sympathizer, fang banger, the works.  When she calls Sookie a whore, all gallantry flies out the window.  Jason disarms Sarah and steals her golf cart.

Back in the church, it has turned into a stand-off.  While trying to escape, Eric and Sookie are surrounded by weapon-wielding churchgoers.  Eric offers himself up as a sacrifice in order to save Godric from a toasty finale.  He also insists that Sookie gets her freedom as well, but Steve won't have any of that – she is a traitor to the human race.  Bill finally shows up (having had to beat Lorena unconscious with a 52" plasma TV while she was trying to feast on good ol' Barry) but it is Jason who truly surprises Steve with a paintball gun blast to the face.  Sookie frees Eric, who then takes Steve hostage.  Stan's crew rolls in – in full cowboy regalia – ready for a showdown at the O.K. Corral.  Hell breaks loose, but Godric shuts the fun down quickly.  Like a vampire Martin Luther King Jr., Godric insists that the vamps not sink to the Newlins' level.  When he asks Steve for a truce, Steve refuses.  Steve, of course, wants to be killed so he can be a martyr for the cause.  But no one else is willing to die for Steve's beliefs.

The Dallas Vampire Association has a "Welcome Home" party for Godric at his house.  He regards Jason as a hero, and a friend to vampires.  Isabel brings traitorous Hugo before Godric.  Rather than kill him, Godric simply banishes him from the nest.  Lorena then crashes the party, before Bill can tell Sookie about her.  They get into the vamp equivalent of a catfight.  Both Bill and Jason rush to Sookie's aid, but it's Godric who's the only one strong enough to save her (second time in one day.  Bill better treat Sookie right – looks like she has another vamp to take his place).  He shows mercy on Lorena, even though he does not know her.  Vowing that Sookie's a valuable ally, he banishes Lorena from Dallas as well. 

As if the party wasn't memorable enough, Luke from the church crashes it.  He's armed himself with a bomb composed of pure silver chains, silver bullets, and vials of holy water.  As he pushes the trigger, the screen cuts to black.

Meanwhile, in Bon Temps, Sam discovers Daphne's corpse in Merlotte's freezer, and the sheriff arrests him, in part because of an "anonymous tip."  Maryann cooks up Daphne's heart and serves it to Tara and Eggs as "Hunter's Soufflé." 

Dig It or Bury It?

This was one of the best episodes in a while.  For the most part, it was action-packed, fast-paced, and held my attention better than any other episode.  I was disappointed that Godric stopped the race war – that would have been fun.  The party scenes did drag on in some places.  I was glad to see Lorena go.  Her clinginess was really unbecoming of a vampire of her stature.  The symbolism is starting to get a bit tiresome, though.  We get it – vampires are an allegory for homophobia.  But the party wardrobe was a little too coffin-nail-on-the-head: Sookie in white (purity), Bill in black (darkness), Lorena in red (bloodlust, passion, and other unchecked emotions).

I'm not much of a cook, but Maryann's recipe for Hunter's Souffle looks delightful.  Sautee carrots, celery and potatoes in a sauce pan.  Thinly slice a whole human heart, add to the pan.  Cook for a few minutes, then transfer to a greased soufflé dish.  Cover the top with pie crust (pre-prepared or homemade is fine) and bake at 450 degrees until golden brown – about 35 minutes.  Best served with red wine.

Oh, and I was right – Jason wasn't dead.  Nyah nyah nyah.  I loved that this episode ended with the song "Time Bomb" by Beck playing over the credits.  Besides it being my favorite Beck tune, I love when a show goes out on a high note.

Ass Factor

Tara and Eggs have hit a new milestone in their relationship: violent, sadistic sex.  After eating Maryann's hunter's Souffle, the two are horny as usual, but this time, foreplay is beating the crap out of each other.  We're not talking spanking and playful whipping – more like a sharp kick in the balls, and multiple bitch-slaps that nearly knock each of them over.

Jessica and Hoyt are enjoying their first time together – that is until Bill walks in on them.  Everyone is embarrassed, but Bill just asks that Hoyt take Jessica back to Bon Temps, as things are about to get all Hatfields vs. McCoys in Dallas.  Back home, Jessica is horny as hell and they barely get through the door before Jessica is ripping both their clothes off.

And while not really an "ass factor," it's still amusing: while Sam is in jail, he sees an acquaintance – and obvious victim of Maryann's evil.  The guy is in jail for sodomizing… a tree.  "It must be true," he laments, "I'm all covered with scratches and splinters."

Myths Revamped

Well here's one of those things you never really think about.  As Jessica and Hoyt are fucking for the second time, she screams in pain and pulls away.  Remembering that vampires heal exceptionally fast, Jessica puts the pieces together: her hymen grew back.  She is destined to remain a virgin forever.  O. Henry couldn't have written it better himself.

Blood Count

Daphne's still dead – now with cut-out heart and torn-open chest!  Gabe died a quiet, but undignified death – neck snapped by centuries old vampire mid-attempted-rape.  Lorena, while not dead-dead, gets a lovely TV to the head as a parting gift.  For someone who has been dead for so long, there sure was a lot of blood.  Plus, a cracked plasma screen etched with blood is surprisingly appealing to the eye.

Biting Humor

While Steve threatens Jason with banishment from heaven in the afterlife, Jason isn't worried: "I reckon I already been to heaven – it was inside your wife."  Ah, those repressed religious-types are always the dirtiest in bed (or on the balcony floor in the chapel).