Television Tourniquet: We Bite into 'True Blood' -- Episode 7


Hey TV junkies!  Are you hot for a hardcore look at each episode of your favorite genre shows as they air every week?  Then you’ve come to the right place.  “Television Tourniquet” will bring you irreverent and in-depth analysis and opinions from our own creepy critics, as well as predictions for where your shows are heading.  And to start the bloodletting, we’re gonna sink our teeth into this Sunday’s episode of TV latest horror hit – True Blood.  Have our guys and gals got it right?  Read on and let us know what you think!


True Blood, Episode 7
"Burning House of Love"
Written by Chris Offutt
Directed by Marcos Siega
Original Airdate: October 19, 2008

In This Episode...

We pick up right where the last one left off – with our lovelorn leads getting it on vampy-style and Anna Paquin’s full-frontal going full force.  Afterwards, Sookie and Bill spend some time basking in the glow of their blood-soaked post-coital bliss.  Sookie’s Uncle Barlett not only turns out to look like a child molester, but to actually be one. In his ongoing quest for a quick vampire blood fix, Sookie’s sex-obsessed brother Jason takes a trip to Fangtastia.  Enter one disillusioned, Ivy-league educated, rich girl with no bra and a bag full of V.   


Meanwhile, the much trod-upon Tara escorts her drunken mom to get her demon exorcised, and then Tara exorcises some demons of her own as she continues to mix business with pleasure with Merlotte’s bartender Sam.  Maybe that explains why lawman Andy and his war-crazed cousin Terry spot the normally secretive Sam running naked through the woods. 

Bill’s bad-news vamp buddies are back, and this time Bill agrees to join their nest.  Too bad they’ve pissed off some vigilante rednecks, who decide to set fire to their lair.  This leaves Sookie (and the rest of us) wondering if her immortal beloved was caught in the blaze.



Dig It or Bury It?

It’s not bad enough that I’ve had to sit through multiple embarrassing sex scenes in the short time this show has been on the air, but did I really have to watch Sookie and Bill in the bath?  And to add insult to injury, did they have to use that horrible singer-songwriter version of “Just like Heaven” to set the mood.  I mean, is NOTHING sacred?

As far as exorcisms go, Tara’s mom’s was pretty standard: magical stones, angry possum, some bad hippy drumming…and lots of screaming.  Also, contrary to popular belief, you can’t get a loan for an exorcism (or any voodoo-enhanced therapy) from a bank in Louisiana.

I could really have done without Jason’s Lizard King moment, with his new-age Wesleyan dropout friend who looks like she raided Stevie Nicks’ closet.  But her topless scene did add a little something extra to the relatively dull V-addict plotline.

Tara’s interactions with Sam continue to be torturous to watch. Their chemistry is totally canned, and her offer to redecorate his trailer is making her look more than a little desperate.  But I’m happy to report that Tara is getting a piece of the short-short action that –up until now—has been completely monopolized by the waitresses at Merlotte’s. Also, thanks to the writers for throwing Sam fans a bone with the naked sprinting scene.

Did Sam honestly think he could take on an entire pack of vampires with a chair leg?  I totally had fingers crossed that he was going to wolf out, but no such luck.

Blood Count

The name is “True Blood” people!  “True Blood”!  Not “Vampire Hugs”!  More biting and less bathing please!


Ass Factor

This episode gave us more characters unclothed, but there was less actual naked on-screen time. (I did the math.)  I especially enjoyed Lafayette’s gold thong (it’s all about the details), but was more than a little disappointed by vampire Bill’s soft and rounded posterior. Maybe he should spend a little less time in a coffin and a little more time blasting his glutes?

Myths Revamped

If you’re planning to stave off the undead with some garlic perfume, you’re out of luck. According to Bill, the cornerstone of vampire mythology is built on a pack of lies that vampires made up themselves. They sure are a devious bunch.


Although it looks bad for Bill, there’s no way he was liquefied, petrified, ashed, or whatever in that fire.  Maybe he just got a little charred?  But the future’s not looking too bright for those house-burning rednecks.

Tara is getting on the creepy voodoo bus, that’s for sure.  Whether it’s for a de-demoning or a love potion is a little more unclear.

Is it just me or is Swedish heartthrob and head vampire Eric (yes, he has the most disappointing head vampire name ever) looking a little bored with Fangtasia?  Maybe a trip to visit some new friends is in order?

And finally… Judging by Lafayette’s general interest in all things taboo I will be surprised if he doesn’t get into some serious vamp-on-man action next week.