Television Tourniquet: We Bite into 'True Blood' -- Episode 9!


Blood baths, bondage and bestiality? Has this week’s True Blood finally – thankfully – gone too far? Read our review and find out!


True Blood 09
"Plaisir d'Amour"
Written by: Brian Buckner
Directed by: Anthony Hemingway
Original Airdate: November 2, 2008

In This Episode…


This week’s show kicks off, once again, with Sookie taking a bath.  But, thankfully, this time it’s a blood bath.  Bill comes to Sookie’s rescue, delivering Fangtasia’s metal-head bartender Longshadow a fitting deathblow, while completely ruining Sookie’s dress in the process.  Later, when Sookie and Bill return to Sookie’s house, they find that someone has disposed of the family cat French revolution style and hung her from the ceiling fan, making a Jackson Pollock painting out of everyone who enters the hallway. 

Although Eric and his business partner Pam seem slightly put out by Longshadow’s death, they allow Bill and Sookie to leave the bar unharmed.  But it’s not long before Bill is visited by the duo, along with Longshadow’s replacement, Chow. It seems that killing your undead brethren is a crime in vampire country, and it’s time for Bill to stand before a jury of his peers.

Jason and Amy transport their bloodsucking abductee Eddie to Jason’s basement where they proceed to feed their V addiction and their libidos, while forcing the unlucky vamp to watch.  Riding high on a wave of V-induced open-mindedness, Jason and Amy profess their love for each other.


But, all is not well in their hippie love nest.  Amy is clearly hiding a troubled past and Jason is beginning to think she’s not the girl she claims to be. Plus, vampire Eddie is turning out to be more human than Jason could have possibly imagined, causing more than a little conflict in the blonde’s already confused head. 

Meanwhile, as Tara debates the pros and cons of an eight-hundred-dollar exorcism, Sam comes to the rescue with an apology and the cash it takes to get her a ticket on the voodoo bus.  They kiss and make-up (and then some), but in their horny haste forget to close the door to Sam’s office.  The traumatized Sookie leaves Merlotte’s in a tizzy after stumbling upon their secret.


Having promised Bill that he will look after Sookie, Sam rushes out of the bar after her, but gets stopped by Detective Andy Bellefleur,  who has some follow-up questions about Sam’s sketchy  past.  With a move that would make Superman proud, Sam disappears into the bar and a few seconds later a very familiar dog emerges. 

Contending with Bill’s departure and the death of her grandma’s beloved cat, the spooked Sookie arrives at Bill’s house in search of peace and a safe place to stay while he awaits trial.  She’s greeted by the overly friendly and suspiciously smart dog, whom she them invites in to sleep with her. Both girl and dog lay down to a peaceful sleep, but when Sookie awakes, she finds that the collie at her feet has been replaced by a naked Sam Merlotte.

Dig It or Bury It?


This episode was definitely a front-loaded, gory puke-fest, but after the past few weeks of vampire love-ins, I’m not complaining. 

Why has Sookie not learned to cover up the cleave  before entering a vampire establishment?  She was just asking for vampire bits between the boobs, and now she has the cable-knit-sweater-wearing Pam lusting after her so much that she’s forcing her into a bondage tube dress.

Jason had better run for the hills.  Amy is already scary enough with her vampire-napping sadistic ways and her tree-hugging influence, but she’s also a raw foodist?!  Now that’s downright terrifying.  

Eight-hundred dollars may be a lot for an exorcism, but we all know that’s only a handful of visits to a shrink.  Plus you get free booze and the weasel thrown in? I’d say that’s money well spent.

Say you can turn into another species and the people who don’t want to sleep with you when you’re human are practically begging you to jump into bed with them.  Would you really turn away when they’re taking off their bra and short shorts?  I’m willing to believe in all kinds of supernatural powers, shape- shifting, mind-reading and voodoo, but that’s just ridiculous. 

Vampires have a lot of free time, so I can accept that they play Nintendo Wii. But, Wii Golf? Shouldn’t they be playing something cooler like Guitar Hero or Call of Duty…or even Super Smash Bros.?


Blood Count

Ah, the dangers of bartending… Longshadow got it with a tap-handle through the back, but not before he puked more than a bucket of blood all over Sookie’s cleavage and her pretty white dress, and then shriveled away to nothing. It was a scene worthy of The Lost Boys.


Also, let us bow our heads for moment in memory of our furry friend, Tina. I feel like we barely knew Sookie’s cat, but she certainly made a memorable exit.

Ass Factor


Jason and Amy finally get down to it, and it was worse than I could possibly have imagined. Not, that they are bad-looking people, on the contrary – they are far better looking than most of the vampires on the show.  But, did they have to swim through the jungle naked?  Why does aquatic=sexy in the world of True Blood?


Myths Revamped  

Poor Eddie, he just can’t catch a break.  Contrary to popular belief, you don’t turn beautiful the minute you are changed.  This accounts for Eddie being one of the doughiest members of the undead family.


Hick of the Week

Fangtasia waitress Tina has been “glamoured” so much that her brain is completely fried.  Too bad the vampires couldn’t glamour her vinyl tube top.



Sam can’t hide his doggie nature any longer, and now Sookie will have to keep his secret.  But will their new closeness drive a wedge between her and Tara?


Bill will face the undead tribunal and things are not looking good for him getting out of there with just a slap on the wrist.  He might just have to do some bargaining using his warm-blooded girlfriend.  So much for promising to protect Sookie. 

Jason’s choice of a new BFF in vampire Eddie is going to cause tension in his relationship with Amy, and put a damper on his V-lust.  Methinks Amy will be reaching into her big bag of crazy and pulling out some serious tricks.


It was unclear whether Eric’s warning to the bar that vampires can smell when a human has harmed their kind was directed at Amy or the house-burning hicks, but he’s definitely going to be getting some blood vengeance.


Pam’s taking a huge interest in Sookie, and she does look pretty good in bondage wear – so, honestly, who can really blame her?  I’m thinking that we might be seeing her moonlighting at Fangtastia.