Television Tourniquet -- We Bite into the 'True Blood' Season 2 Premiere!


True Blood Episode 13
"Nothing but the Blood"
Original Airdate: Sunday June 14, 2009

True Blood fans, you can breath sigh of relief. Not only are your vampire stories coming back to HBO this weekend, they're coming back with a vengeance.  Season 2 of True Blood is offering even more gore, more orgies, and more countrified vampires for viewers to take a bite out of (not to mention unexplained beasties.)  The first episode definitely makes good on the promise of its title; and, if it's any indication of what's to come, get ready for some serious shockers.  Because Alan Ball has unearthed the secret to a great second season of this southern gothic feeding frenzy.

Cliffhangers Cajun-Style

We can't tell you just whose dead body was in that car at the end of Season 1 (well, actually we can, but why spoil the surprise?).  But we can tell you that the discovery made quite an impression on Tara.  And we have to feel a little sorry for the much trod-upon detective Andy Bellefleur, who, after having his car ruined by the dead person in it, finds out he is a murder suspect and heads completely off the rails.

Speaking of Tara, we have yet to find out how her fairy godmother (or is it goddess mother?) Maryann fits into the whole story.  But one thing's for sure – she knows how to party.  Her relationship with Sam becomes a bit clearer when it's revealed that she might be the first cougar in history.  (And in this context we need to explain that we mean that metaphorically.)  Oh!  Did you think Sam is innocent in all this?  Think again.

Prepare for a few familiar faces to wind up on the chopping block when two of Bon Temps' craziest characters wake to find themselves in a vampire basement tied to an oddly dramatic and rather unnecessary torture device.  (It's even more torturous than watching a love scene between Sookie and Bill!)  It seems that Eric is making good on his word to find and punish humans who have wronged his kind.

If we were allowed to give out Emmy awards for this season after one episode, we would give one to Ryan Kwanten for his portrayal of the confused, dumb and very hot Jason.  With no woman and no V left in his life he has nowhere to turn but to the deceptive charms of Fellowship of the Sun leader Steve Newlin and his ultra-perky (and ultra perfect) wife Sarah.

With more than one waitress killed off last season, the staff at Merlotte's is getting pretty slim.  Thankfully, in walks new hire Daphne whose experience at Cracker Barrel didn't fully prepare her for the demands of Sam's establishment.  We're thinking she has some other hidden talents?

Vamps & Tramps

Sookie and Bill are definitely on their way to being voted ‘cutest couple,' but it's not all bliss in their blood-soaked bed.  In fact they're starting to seem like an old married couple, fighting about how to raise their kid, particularly Bill's vampire ward Jessica.

It appears that Jessica has bathed in the "Twilight" section of Hot Topic, and is looking more than a little trampy; or, as Bill puts it, like a "slatter."  She's also turning out to have quite an aversion to Bill's rules on cell phones, recycling…and hunting.  After Sookie gets over her initial shock of finding a new vampire in Bill's home, it looks like she and the angst-y undead teen might actually be BFFs (and we mean FOREVER).

Blood Count

Alan Ball kicks it off with gory goodness, and some major body parts go missing when two characters wind up dead.  And while we don't want to spoil anything for you we will tell you that anyone with a heart who saw either of these people after they met their demise would definitely want to lend a helping hand.

Ass Factor

Oddly, Jason is completely clothed in this episode.  It's true!  Maybe he shows his chest, but that's just because he's reading in bed. (Not to worry his body still looks like a trampoline for quarters.)  But his sister makes up for his demure attire by doing what basically amounts to a full-frontal scene.

Myths Revamped

Who says all vampires are happy with the way they look? Eric Northman is back and, if possible, hotter than before. We think his new makeover suits him quite well.

Hick of the Season

It looks like sweet and innocent Hoyt Fortenberry will actually be the voice of reason this season.  It seems he's on the look-out for an undead gal to call his very own.