As you can probably tell by reading this series, I’m a wuss. I’m scared of most things and I have a weak stomach when it comes to real life gore and bodily fluids. Kane knows this fact and loves to exploit it at every turn. Having dinner after our appearance in Salem, somehow, for some un-godly reason, the subject of puking came up. I don’t know why, but puking is, shall we say, my biggest weakness. If someone pukes in a movie or on TV, I instantly look away, and start yelling so I don’t hear the noise and try to change the channel as fast as I can. If by some horrible, horrible chance someone pukes within a hundred yards of me, I start to run, seriously, I will run the opposite way, quickly. I dread the day I have children and they get sick, because I will not be able to help them. Even if my wife gets sick, I make her close the bathroom door, shut myself in another room and turn on music until she is done. It’s not because I’m insensitive, it’s because if I see it, I will puke… seriously.
As much as I tried to steer the conversation in a different path, Shawn (our camera man traveling with us) was fascinated by the fact that Kane said he could puke on command, without having to use his fingers. This is mentioned briefly in his biography where he talks about the part in Friday the 13th Part 8 where he vomits up the sewage at the end of the film, he really did that. Regardless of this amazing fact and ability, I did not want to talk about it; my stomach was already starting to churn at the thought. Kane and Shawn saw my face was starting to contort, so they kept at it, talking about this vial subject.
“You know what the best is? Ice cream. I can eat a whole shake or bowl of ice cream and puke it up, and it’s still cold. Seriously, it’s still cold when it comes out.” Kane said with pride just like another guy would boast about how much he could bench press. Shawn, who couldn’t stop giggling, egged Kane on to do it, he wanted to see it. At this point, I wanted to get up from the booth and leave the restaurant, but I was stuck on the inside, Shawn blocking my way.
“Anyway guys, good turn out today huh?” I said desperately trying to change the subject. At this point I was being ignored. To my horror, Kane stopped a waiter walking by.
“Can I get a bowl of ice cream?” Hearing this, I started to panic. The sick bastard was actually going to do this. I started to plot my escape, but I knew with Kane, it would be useless; he would track me down and make me see this spectacle, no matter what.
Minutes later a big bowl of chocolate ice cream was placed in front of Kane. With the evilest look I have ever seen in a human, he started to dig into the bowl.
“Mmm, this is good. Going to taste great coming back up.” Kane kept saying in a variety of ways, watching my face go pale in the process. With the bowl pretty much finished, I found myself covering my eyes, not wanting to see what was coming. In a way, it flashed me back to when I was a child in Salem; I did the same thing then, covered my eyes to not see the horror in front of me.
After looking around like a child about to shoot a spit ball, Kane made some purposely gross sounds, leaned over his bowl a bit closer and… oh god… spewed out some creamy liquid. Shawn giggled loudly in my ear, as I kicked my legs under the table and sobbed lightly. I refused to look, fearing my own sensitive stomach kicking into gear and shooting out my own dinner.
“Mike look, look, look, look, look, look….” Was all I could hear, I couldn’t even tell who was saying it anymore, my head was spinning.
“It's still cold, seriously, touch it. It actually tastes good coming up.” I could feel my throat start to salivate; I was swallowing hard in attempt to hold back my own reflex. By some sort of miracle, the waiter came over and asked if we needed anything else. I wanted to jump up and hug this man for ending the torture I was enduring, but I didn’t dare say what was going on.
Minutes later we were outside. I was sucking in fresh air thinking my nightmare was over, but it was just starting. Kane sneakily ducked into an alleyway, of course, we followed him blindly, not even thinking anything about it. There he suddenly spun around, looked at me and puked. He didn’t even bend over or hack like normal people, no, he full out Linda Blair'd his stomach and shot some chunky concoction straight out of his mouth. In shock, I wasn’t able to move fast enough, some of it splattered on the ground and on to my shoes. Instantly, I dry heaved. Little did I know Shawn was filming with one of our pocket cameras. I turned to run but Kane yelled at me.
“Mike! Come on, just look at me. Watch me do it once and I won’t do it again.” I knew it was probably a trick, but I wanted this nightmare to end, so I did my best, holding on to the railing of some emergency exit and looked up at the monster before me, one that was scarier than any I had seen him play… and he vomited. This time, I really started to dry heave, my eyes watered and I almost lost it. Thankfully I turned away and sucked air until my stomach settled down. My two evil partners giggled behind me as I carefully breathed to hold my dinner down.
Kane wasn’t happy I didn’t watch him fully, but he gave up on grossing me out… for the night at least. I always knew there were great horror stories in Salem; I just didn’t know I would be part of one myself. I still have nightmares about that night.