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Holiday Chopping List: Gifts for Your Little Monster

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Just because you are a child doesn't mean you can't be taught about the scarier things in life. In today's holiday chopping list, we have gathered some creepy-cute gifts for your little rotten ones.

Mad Scientist Alphabet Blocks

Just because you are buying presents for a baby doesn't mean they can't be kick-ass.  Although these blocks are so kick-ass, they may be wasted on a baby.  This set of traditional alphabet blocks forgoes "A is for Apple" in favor of "A is for Appendages."  Each letter is illustrated by items that any "budding mad scientist" should know:  R is for Robots; C is for Caffeine; U is for Underground Lair;  H is for Henchmen; L is for Laser.  The set comes with five blocks, each with a different illustration per side.  The images started as original pen and ink drawings that are laser engraved onto solid blocks of American maple wood - no chemicals, dyes, or finishes.

$39.95 at Xylocopa.com

Vampire Pacifier

Some parents dress their kids in duck prints; others go with Elmo.  But you're cooler than most parents, therefore your spawn should be as well.  If babies are going to suck, let them suck on this vampire smile pacifier.  Your kid will be the baddest at the playground without having to throw a single tantrum.  Think Geek puts it best: "Makes baby simultaneously quiet and awesome" -- the two most prized qualities in a baby.  Bonus: there is a fairly good chance this vampire pacifier will horrify your mother-in-law.

$4.99 at ThinkGeek.com

Zombie Snack Baby Bib

Just because you are a parent doesn't mean you have to be completely selfless, right?  When the zombie apocalypse hits, put this bib on your baby.  Zombies may not be able to think but they can recognize the words "zombie" and "snack". Hopefully, while a zombie is busy munching on your young'un, you can make your escape.

$7.99 at ThinkGeek.com

Skull Cupcake Molds

Everyone loves cupcakes.  (I think it's a federal law or something.)  But cupcakes just got a zillion times tastier with these Nomskulls cupcake molds.  Flexible silicone molds hold your favorite batter (we recommend anything grey with a gooey red center) and bake up to be perfect little skull cupcakes.  Brain frosting not included -- but directions for brain frosting are.

$12.00 for set of 4 at iloveuma.com

Count Ketchup Spread Head

So here is something I never realized I needed until I found this: a vampire ketchup "spread head." You pop this thing on the top of your ketchup bottle and the ketchup squirts from the vamp's fangs. Yes, I know, vampires are usually sucking up the blood, not spitting it out. But seriously, how ridiculously unnecessary, yet totally awesome, is this?

$3.99 at PerpetualKid.com

 

Witch Finger Crayons

Crayons are generally considered the medium of children: non-toxic, non-messy, and brightly colored. Frankly, all those things describe features that I should have in anything I play with. These witch finger crayons are certainly more special than Crayolas, and can beat up any other crayon on the playground. Bonus: these crayons are recycled (I would imagine from bits and pieces of less-cool crayons).

$13.99 at Etsy.com

Tentacle Fingers

I think octopuses are 2011's zombies. They are going to have their tentacles in everything. Now you can, too, with these finger tentacles. They are pink and rubbery and make a great surprise for the guy in the next cubicle. Sold in sets of five for traditional human digits.

$9.99 at ThinkGeek.com

 

Monster Matryoshkas

Matryoshkas are traditional Russian nesting dolls. You know, a big wooden capsule with an oft-ugly face painted on it, that spews forth progressively smaller capsules. When I was little my grandmother brought me back one from a trip, and I was always uneasy with the ugly mug and blank expression painted on it. These Monster Matryoshkas, however, put me oddly at ease... but why is the little one a penguin?

$15.50 at SpoonSisters.com

 

Pat the Zombie

When I was a little kid, one of my favorite books was Pat the Bunny, a little picture book that was notable for having different fabrics and textures to illustrate the story. Pat the Zombie is a new retelling of the tale of two curious toddlers and their tactile exploration, but with decaying flesh instead of bunny fur. The book claims to be for adults, but what better way to expose your child to the realities of the impending zombie apocalypse?

 

Baby Freddy Krueger Plush

Just because you are a baby doesn't mean you have to have baby toys. Right? What could be cuter than a baby Freddy Krueger? Start your kid off right with this 7" plushie. Throw in the matching Michael Myers and Jason Voorhies, and let your child's imagination soar! Or just keep them for yourself.

$11.99 from Sideshow Collectibles

 

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