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Ten of the Weirdest, Creepiest Breakfast Cereals Ever Made

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Of all the food groups (?) out there, the one constant that still brings me back to those nostalgic days of my childhood is a tasty bowl of cereal. For me, I went cuckoo for the likes of Frosted Flakes and Lucky Charms (sorry, Cocoa Puffs), and with a recent discovery of Momofuku Milk Bar’s Cereal Milk, this nostalgia is definitely a thing others are sharing in.
 
As horror fans, there’s a certain love we all have for the likes of Frute Brute, Count Chocula and Boo Berry. With a little digging, I’ve uncovered some more bizarre and creepy cereals children once fondly doused with milk and shoved into their innocent little faces... so grab your appetites and take a trip with me down the rabbit hole. I hope you’re hungry!
 
Freakies
 
1. Freakies
 
In 1972, Ralston released Freakies unto the world.  These Freakies were a group of seven creatures named Hamhose, Cowmumble, Grumble, Goody-Goody, Snorkeldorf all led by BossMoss. Their mythology states that our seven heroes (?) went in search of the legendary Freakies Tree. Once found, they made their home there as the tree grew the Freakies cereal. The cereal lasted from 1972 to 1976 before disappearing from shelves. In 1987, the cereal was resurrected depicting the characters as aliens. I wonder what The Keebler Elves have to say about this.
 
Grins_Smiles
 
2. Grins & Smiles & Giggles & Laughs
 
Here we are with another mid ‘70s Ralston brand product! This cereal right here is based on the tale of four characters named Grins, Smiles, Giggles and Laughs. These weirdos built a crazy robot named Cecil who, when chuckling hard enough, he pukes up cereal. And you guessed it, that cereal vomit was the end product found on the market shelf! Any wonder why this cereal didn’t last?
 
King_Vitaman
 
3. King Vitaman
 
Aside from Wheaties, it doesn’t seem that any successful cereal worked with a human mascot on the box. And that comment brings us to King Vitaman. Another cereal introduced in the ‘70s, the box advertised itself as a “multi-vitamin and iron supplement.” Sure, why not? While getting a child to take vitamins in the morning could indeed be a chore, I can think of many better options than having good ol’ creepy Uncle Bob on the box telling you to do so. King Vitaman is still around, and they’ve since learned their lesson and replaced this dude with a cartoon.
 
OJs_cereal
 
4. Kellogg's OJ's
 
Someone at Kellogg had the genius idea to combine the deliciousness of that morning cup of orange juice with the nutritious bowl of breakfast cereal. Maybe that genius mistakenly poured their orange juice over their Special K in the midst of a morning hangover? I don’t know but this concept is just plain gross. Kellogg’s OJ’s was an actual orange flavored cereal that featured a rancher on the box who branded oranges. Well, at least the rancher was a cartoon.
 
Mr_Wonderfull
 
5. Mr. Wonderfull's Surprize
 
Take a long look at the box art here. In 1972, General Mills released “Mr. Wonderfull’s Surprize,” which promised a “surprise” in each toasted bit. The “surprise” in question was either a creamy chocolate or vanilla flavor that was to burst in your mouth. That’s all fine and good, but just look at Mr. Wonderfull here and you tell me: is this the type of “surprise” you’d start your day with? 
 
Urkel_Os
 
6. Urkel-Os
 
Not all these weird cereal concepts were bound to the ‘70s. Take the  short lived breakfast cereal aptly titled "Urkel-Os."  For those of you do not remember the ‘90s, Steve Urkel was the really annoying nerd from the sitcom Family Matters who became one of the first really famous nerds of that decade. The show became such a hit due to Jaleel White’s performance. Not only did Mr. Urkel get a dance move named after him, someone thought it was a wise decision to give him his own cereal. Because who didn’t want to put some of Steve Urkel in their mouths? “Did I do that?” Yes, Steve. You did.
 
Kaboom
 
7. Kaboom
 
This cereal right here was introduced to the world in 1969 and has a clown on the damn box. Kaboom was marketed as vitamin-fortified, but there’s a clown on the box! The different bits in the box featured marshmallow bears, lions, elephants, stars and smiling circus clowns and there’s really nothing else to say here BECAUSE THERE IS A CLOWN ON THE BOX! 
 
Sir_Grapefellow
 
8. Sir Grapefellow
 
As with a bunch of other cereals in this list, Sir Grapefellow came with a backstory. Released by General Mills in 1972, this British World War I era pilot had an ongoing feud with his nemesis Baron Von Redberry. As fun and entertaining as this was, the actual cereal in question was just plain bad. Advertised with "grape flavored oats and sweet grape starbits," Sir Grapefellow had a very short life on market shelves. I bet you’re rethinking pouring orange juice on your Cheerios now!
 
Choco_Kiddo_Balls
 
9. Choco Kiddo Balls
 
Okay, so you’re out shopping at one of those stores like a Smart & Final or a Walmart when the hankering for a delicious breakfast cereal strikes your fancy. You reach the aisle and pour over the large boxed variety of crispy morsels of sugary delight. And then your eyes land on this: CHOCO KIDDO BALLS. Do you try out this low-rent version of "Cocoa Puffs?" The choice is yours, but don’t blame me when Chris Hanson shows up in your kitchen!
 
Krinkles2
 
10. Sugar Rice Krinkles
 
CLOWN ON THE BOX! CLOWN ON THE BOX! EVIL! EVIL! 
 
Okay, sorry. I have an irrational fear of clowns. But look at this box art. Sugar Rice Krinkles was a popular cereal when your grandmother was young. Known as Sugar Rice Krinkles, Sugar Coated Rice Krinkles and Sugar Sparkled Rice Krinkles, the mascot evolved from a very racist-looking Asian cartoon character named “So-Hi” to "Krinkle The Clown." Both are quite jarring, and the cereal was ended in 1969. Which is a good thing because CLOWN ON THE GODDAMN BOX!



Well this concludes the breakfast buffet of weird and creepy cereals. In a world full of bad ideas, I'm sure I've missed a few. So tell me, kiddies, what's the creepiest breakfast cereal you've run screaming from?
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