TV Review: 'Death Valley' Episode 102 - 'Help Us Help You'


Death Valley Episode 102

"Help Us Help You"

Written By: Eric Weinberg

Directed By: Eric Appel

Original Airdate: 5 September 2011

In This Episode...

Pierce and Stubeck release Sophia the vampire whore from jail. Pierce doesn't care, but Stubeck desperately wants to reform her. She agrees to make a true effort to reform, but when the cops follow her to make sure she gets home safe, they find her going straight back to the motel. The unit installed cameras in motel, so Pierce pulls up the feed on his laptop. While debating whether Sophia is having sex with a john or her pimp, he starts choking her with his belt. The cops move in, and find Sophia dead in the bathtub, and the perp gets away.

A new department PSA campaign causes headaches for John-John and Carla. One of the posters says "Help Us Help You." So that is what they discover kids doing: beating up slow-walkers under the guise of helping the police. They lecture the kids and take care of the zombies, but it is too late. A second sweep reveals the kids have become zombies themselves.

Dashell takes Kirsten on a call: a couple thinks they hear something in the attic. It is just a mouse. Kirsten thinks that, while they are there, they should handle it. Dashell goes apeshit trying to kill the mouse. He puts holes in the walls, nearly sets the house on fire, and breaks windows, tables, and the homeowner's nose.

Dig It or Bury It?

I noticed in this episode that the commercial breaks were really jarring. The show is in the middle of break-neck action and comedy, and suddenly it slams into commercials. There has to be a more graceful way to earn a buck. At the very least, give us a few frames of black before going to commercial.


John-John punches a zombie in the face so hard, his fist goes right through the zombie's skull in an explosion of blood. The zombie becomes a bracelet for John-John. He spots another zombie coming at him fast, and with his hand still through the zombie's head, shoots the approaching zombie dead.

Undead Tee-Hee Force

An old fling of Pierce's is being chased by zombies, but the fling is more concerned with screeching epithets at Pierce. Even getting bitten by a zombie doesn't slow her down. "If you don't shoot her, I will," threatens Stubeck.

Pierce is not surprised to see Sophia going back to her old ways, but Stubeck insists she wasn't always a hooker. "Do you think all homeless people are born that way?" Stubeck asks his partner. "Yes," says Pierce blithely. "Do you think all handicapped people are born that way?" "It would be funny if they were."

Monster Madness

Dashell runs down the hierarchy of monsters. He calls zombies a cross between hobos and poo; vampires are the douchebags of the monster world. And what of werewolves? His last partner got infected and had to chain himself up every month - but apparently his wife had her first orgasm on the last full moon.


Next week, the local bloodmobiles are overrun by hungry vampires.